Shocking behaviour

[LostLolipops123]

For the last 4 months we hadn’t had any sex. We’ve been together 16 years with three kids. Every weekend we try but it never happens. I dress up and put all the effort in while he does nothing but waits for me to come in.
He says we have lost our spark, even thought I initiate everything. I got bored of the same routine.
Today he told me he will find it somewhere else, when I went ballistic he said don’t make things out to be something they are. Saying he was only joking. I don’t find that funny. I’m absolutely raging right now. Really need some advice. I don’t know what to do.

Anyone?

It’s not something you joke about. He’s gaslighting a bit. Have you thought of couples counselling?

It sounds like you try and he doesn't
Would he consider counselling?

I couldn’t see him going to counselling. He says it’s boring now and the spark has gone.
Was so shocked when he said he would look elsewhere.

He has checked out of the relationship. And he is a dick into the bargain.

Why are you working so hard to please a man who not only doesnt make any similar effort, but also delights in you knowing that he isn't interested in you in that way anymore? And is cruel about it.

How old are the kids? What's the house/finance situation? I'd be looking to leave him.

Has he given a reason for the lack of sex? Does he claim he's too tired or something? How is the relationship apart from that?

It sounds like he doesn't want to be with you now

The reason is I’m not stimulating him. So if I don’t dress up and prance about hes not interested. And even then I doesn’t hold an erection. Almost like he get bored half way through

He developed a porn addiction perhaps?
Or could he be seeing someone else?

Either way, he isnt a partner to you anymore. He is a bully who is torturing you and enjoying it.

Oh I couldn’t be bothered with him. He sounds like a ridiculous man. I hope you manage to make a swift exit from this relationship. It’s not easy though.

We have a disabled son so we have been in lockdown since March. He doesn’t have time to go anywhere, he is always here. I don’t think there is anyone else, but the fact he even said it is unbelievable.

Sounds like there's an affair happening or about to have or a serious porn habit.

I think you should be looking elsewhere. He is lazy, nasty and he can't get/keep it up. Its not you, its him.

Maybe he's got problems "down below", but finds it easier to blame it on you...

I'd say this is a man who won't admit he's have physical or mental difficulty getting and maintaining erections and has decide it's easier to pretend it's you not being simulating, sex being routine etc etc.

If you were 'stimulating' enough for over 15 bloody years, you are not the issue here. Even when you do what he says he needs, he still can't get it up.

Attacking you is easier than accepting he might have an actual issue. Fragile masculinity at it's best.

He needs to go to the gp, but good luck with getting someone who is willing to be so hurtful to his partner after 16 years rather than admit he's not 'all man' still to go. Could be age, drinking too much, stress, depression, blood pressure etc etc.

Please don't accept the huge responsibility for this that he's trying to palm off on you, OP.