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Relationships

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Original poster

To be really pissed off about being ghosted

26 replies

GrapevineFires · 19/10/2020 11:47

I’ve had a casual relationship for over 8 months. Sex, but also going out for drinks, cooking dinner for each other, etc.

When we first met, before lockdown, we were seeing each a couple of times a week. Lockdown happened, but still stayed in touch. When lockdown relaxed and we saw each other about twice a month.

Last saw him a month ago. He text me shortly afterwards - the usual things ‘been thinking of you’, ‘loved spending time with you’, ‘would love to see you again soon, etc’. I said I’d be available on a particular day, he said he should be too - great, so I left the conversation as ‘well let me know on x day either way’. I’ve not heard from him since.

He’s always been flakey (hence me not considering a relationship) but I just think this is cruel to not a) reply on the day, b) not apologise or even acknowledge and c) apparently now just ghosting.

I’ve not chased him and it although it sounds ridiculous that I’m annoyed, I’m actually not that bothered about seeing him much as he’s changed massively during lockdown (recreational stoner to several times a day). But I’m still pissed off that a 8 months friendship/relationship is worth not so much as a simple text.

I think I just feel that if you’ve had a long-ish ‘thing’ going on it’s a decent thing to do to either end it, say I’m going to be busy for a while or whatever excuse you want. I wouldn’t treat anyone else like that so it bothers me.

And I being stupid being annoyed about it even though from my end it did feel like it may have run it’s course?

OP posts:

Givemeabreak88 · 19/10/2020 11:58

He’s probably met someone he wants to be with

MaeveDidIt · 19/10/2020 12:03

No you're not being stupid.
He's a coward.

VaggieMight · 19/10/2020 12:05

He sounds like a massive loser getting stoned several times a day. Of course the decent thing to do would be to let you know if he doesn't want to see you again, it's his loss. Flakey stoners don't tend to be very reliable.

Original poster

GrapevineFires · 19/10/2020 12:07

It’s possible, and I’m okay with that (though would be a bit surprised that his turnaround is that quick as he was texting me those nice things TWO DAYS before our supposed next date), but I’m annoyed at the lack of common curtesy to another human being - being in constant contact with someone for 8 months and then just disappearing off the earth without so much as a ‘goodbye’.

So it’s not so much about the circumstances to end it, but the way it’s done.

OP posts:

LeaveMyDamnJam · 19/10/2020 12:11

The answer is in your original post. He is a stoner. You can’t expect decent behaviour from someone off their tits all day.

Bunnymumy · 19/10/2020 12:14

Is it possible he wanted you to fall for him and took the hump when you didn't? I'd just be wondering with those loveydovey I miss you texts if you keeping it cool with your reply, it offended his ego because he thought you'd be the same back.

Frownette · 19/10/2020 12:21

I'd feel irate too.

Best to leave him to his own little ways and try to distract yourself.

seensome · 19/10/2020 12:21

It's hurtful but he's done you favour, time to upgrade, he sounds like a real loser

Tanfastic · 19/10/2020 12:26

Maybe he's permanently stoned.

Sounds like a dick.

Move on and don't look back.

NotaCoolMum · 19/10/2020 13:46

@LeaveMyDamnJam

The answer is in your original post. He is a stoner. You can’t expect decent behaviour from someone off their tits all day.

100% this! Why would you expect anything more from someone who spends his days getting high?! 🙄

Original poster

GrapevineFires · 19/10/2020 17:46

Honestly, I still expected some more decency; even from a stoner. Him getting stoned is a turnoff but he still manages to cook something for me and be generally good company. It was never going to amount to anything serious but it was always fun and easy with him.

I am just a bit hurt that all that time doesn’t warrant a quick text on his behalf - which is now making me wonder if I’m going to randomly hear from him in a few weeks like nothing happened.

But yes, I am going to leave him to it. I wasn’t excited about going over last time and almost made an excuse (though it was nice when there) so I know it’s run it’s course anyway. Just feeling a bit pissed off!

OP posts:

FredtheFerret · 19/10/2020 17:48

I think if it were me I'd have to send a text that said, As I've not heard anything from you, it feels like this has pretty much run its course and so I'm calling it a day. Bye'.

Just to give myself the satisfaction of some kind of closure!

NotaCoolMum · 19/10/2020 18:10

Of course he manages to cook something for you!- he’s probably always got the munchies!! Honestly- you’re SO much better off without him! X

Oly4 · 19/10/2020 18:12

It’s fine to be annoyed but it sounds like you knew what you were getting into? Doesn’t sound like it was ever anything more than friends with benefits? And well done for not chasing him!

Mxflamingnoravera · 21/10/2020 18:44

Is he welsh? It's nothing about the Welsh, just that the same happened to me, probably not the same bloke but he was a stoner, fun to be with and then gone. A year ago. Then last week out of the blue "hi how are you? Etc". I ignored it. Twat.

CoronaIsWatching · 21/10/2020 18:48

He's not really ghosted you, he just hasn't messaged you. It's not like you're messaging him asking him stuff and he's ignoring you.

If it's casual anyway I don't see what all the fuss is about!

katy1213 · 21/10/2020 18:55

Sounds like he hasn't enough functioning brain cells to remember. But he's no great loss, is he?

Mermaidwaves · 21/10/2020 19:52

This seems to be par for the course with 'casual' relationships. Perhaps I'm a bit simple but for me, even if something is casual I would still treat a guy with respect and decency , however a lot of guys seem to think it means they can treat you like crap. Do I sound bitter? It's just happened to me recently OP and it feels horrible. He's not worth your time.

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 21/10/2020 20:28

I hear what you're saying. The thing is, you've got to guard against this sort of thing a bit, in casual relationships.

I was really careful to keep a handle on my feelings for my then-casual partner... one day I realised that if he stopped messaging me, I would be upset.

So... on that day, I told him we either needed to be an item and take on some duties like not ghosting/ignoring each other, or we needed to cut contact. He chose to make it official.

While it's casual, it's really important to keep a handle on yourself and be accepting/fatalistic that it might all disappear tomorrow, quite easily. Otherwise you can get quite tangled up and hurt, tbh.

lollipoprainbow · 21/10/2020 21:24

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC I'm in that position, I know it's going to end soon I'm getting the slow fade ! Dreading it tbh.

Emmalanexxx · 22/10/2020 00:08

Hey, this guy sounds EXACTLY like the guy I'm currently dealing with, I'm starting to question if it is the same person haha. Does he also have 2 children? Haha, anyway yes I'm going through the exact situation and its so shitty, have you heard from him today?
These days ghosting seems to be the 'in thing' to do instead of addressing issues and being honest.

Sparticuscaticus · 22/10/2020 05:13

Grapevinefires

You're overthinking this , expecting 'common decency'
Your reply to his offer of meet up was a 'let me know either way' hardly definite plans
He's probably stoned or found something better that day
Bet he texts about another time at some point in the next year .
No doubts he has someone else he's shagging too
He's not particularly bothered
You are far too upset re a casual relationship
You're not upset enough that he went from casual user to daily weed user during lockdown and you're still involved with him!

Halliehallie9828 · 22/10/2020 05:51

@CoronaIsWatching

He's not really ghosted you, he just hasn't messaged you. It's not like you're messaging him asking him stuff and he's ignoring you.

If it's casual anyway I don't see what all the fuss is about!

I agree with this. I think you’re making a fuss about nothing. He’s just not text... that’s it.

redcarbluecar · 22/10/2020 05:54

Yanbu to feel annoyed with this, although it sounds as if you haven’t contacted him either and, in fact, are a bit relieved - he’s probably no loss.

Original poster

GrapevineFires · 22/10/2020 18:57

I actually know I’m being irrational about this. I just like resolution. I don’t think I like the idea of him popping up in my DMs some day in the future like nothing happened but also don’t like never hearing from again without finality, even if it’s over. 8 months seems like a long enough time to owe a response within a month!

But yes, on the other hand I am somewhat relieved. If he got his shit together and was like he was before lockdown I’d like to see him. Now, not so much. I’d actually considered seeing him one last time and if it’s still doing the same crap, actually end it (because I think every relationship from casual to serious deserves open and honest communication). I guess I thought we shared some similar values but he was flakey enough without being a full time stoner so I shouldn’t be surprised.

OP posts:

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