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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

so worried about this

4 replies

offivial · 19/10/2020 09:52

NC as about a friend. I’m very worried as she’s recently met someone, as in in August, he’s moved in not paying anything towards bills or mortgage or living costs, drinks 14 beers a night, shouts and screams at her. She is a high earner but at risk of job loss at the moment. He earns much less and gave up his rental to move in with her. He wants to start a family with her. Her divorce came through in June and she has a son age 4 with her ex husband. Every time she drops son off with her ex, this new man goes ballistic and says she is cheating. I’ve met him regularly, he is usually drunk, he’s rude in a way that would be potentially banter if I’d known him 10 years...not ten minutes. On top of it all he doesn’t believe in covid and so refuses to wear masks and approaches people in the street who do, to make them uncomfortable. Last night she came over in tears saying she want to leave him. This morning it’s all fine again. I’ve never seen her cry in the 5 years we’ve been friends. I’m worried for her and cannot see her knowing this man isn’t complying with covid safety as I worry for my parents who I see sometimes. When I suggest she asks him to leave she gets defensive and it’s not my place so I’ve stopped. He’s never hit her but she’s scared he might.

Just wondering if anyone else has seen this behaviour pan out. I don’t feel I can do anything yet feel so worried for her.

OP posts:
Twizbe · 19/10/2020 09:54

Give her the number of women's aid and help her to get rid of him. I think deep down she knows he is no good and isn't a good person to have around her child

Bananalanacake · 19/10/2020 10:53

He has no claim on her house. She could get the police to help escort him off her property if he refuses to leave when she asks. Doesn't she realise how bad it is to move a stranger in when she has a child.

category12 · 19/10/2020 10:57

God, I'd want to be sneaking birth control pills into her tea.

All you can really do is signpost her to help and without critising, shine a light that it's not normal or how relationships should be.

ReneeRol · 19/10/2020 11:00

I'd contact her ex and any other family members you know asap to make sure they all know what her four year old child is being subjected to and give them the opportunity to rescue him. She is an adult making her choice but this child has no choice.

The possibility of losing custody may be enough to make her wake up but if its not then that's on her. Don't let this child live in terror and possibly end up injured or dead because of loyalty to her.

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