How much info does your DH share with you?

[Fortunategirl]

If your OH got a job or had a contract renewed that he’d told you he was worried about losing, would he tell you? I only found out my DH had his work contract renewed because he told friends and I overheard. It’s made me feel second best to be honest. If that not the kind of info you share with your spouse first? Or am I overreacting?

Yeah my husband would have told me, since lockdown I get much more information than is strictly required about all sorts of details.

Had you had an argument or something?

That definitely is information you share with a spouse first off. Are you overreacting,....I don’t think so in the least!

None. He'd make a great spy - need to know basis only. If he thinks it won't affect me particularly then why would I need to know. Drives me nuts.

I find out about his work contracts by overhearing him telling other builders in the pub. Found out he was going to be working away (during the week) for 3 months when he was telling a mate cos he needed some work info. Would probably have told me on the Monday morning - didn't affect me til then 'obviously'.

He went away for a weekend to see a band - again I overheard him telling another fan the week before. His rational was he asked if we should go and I said I didn't want to so he just booked it for himself.

He's better than he was, and I'm better at not taking it personally. But it's a major clash of communication styles. I tell him stuff he doesn't need to know and he's often confused about why I'm telling him.

That said, we've no children in the mix and are financial independent of each other. I'd be annoyed if he'd let me continue to worry about him being jobless through! I know my DH's rational would be that it would have been okay as something would come up so he didn't think I would have been worried in the first place. We'd definitely have had words about that!

He definitely should tell you but maybe he was embarrassed/ didn’t want to worry you? I’ve found men sometimes bury their heads in the sand about stuff like that.

He should have told you, but I can maybe see why he didn’t (this is all assuming he normally is quite open, and it’s this one thing he’s kept quiet about). If he generally tells his friends things and not you, that’s not great.

No argument but he constantly leaves me out of this kind of info. I grew up with a non communicative father and it appears I’ve married a man the same

Oh, I’ve re read and he didn’t tell you it was renewed/ ignore all of the above, it’s weird.

I just don’t get why he wouldn’t tell me. It makes me feel unimportant

I would have been fully involved in checking over said contract and crawling over the detail but that's a whole different thread!

YANBU to be unhappy about not being told matters had been resolved. It's completely unfair for DH to involve you in his woes but not to let you know when there's been a positive outcome. Have you explained the repeating of history with secretive father and not wanting to be in a relationship with that dynamic?