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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband moved abroad -AIBU?

15 replies

Adviceneeded1986 · 19/10/2020 02:50

My husband moved abroad for work to the US and I didn’t go as I have a job in the UK and wouldn’t get the same job there. He moved just 2 weeks ago and was pushing for me to apply for a visa just to visit and I was a bit surprised he wasn’t making plans to return for a visit. He now told me that if he returns to U.K. the States won’t let him back in which Is why I need to get a visa - AIBU to think he should have looked into this? I’m finding it all very difficult to cope as I’m now on my own in a different time zone and worried as to when I’ll see him again particularly for Christmas. He’s getting annoyed at me thinking I’m overreacting

OP posts:

Spybot · 19/10/2020 03:01

If he moved to the US on a proper work visa then he should be able to travel freely between the two countries as he wishes ( this is without taking in to account any covid restrictions/quarantines). If he is telling you that he can't come home and then travel back to the US and be accepted back into the country then he is either without a visa, or, on the wrong type of visa.

You don't need a visa to visit the US, you just need to complete a visa waiver form. That would allow you up to 3 months in the country.

Hope this helps.

Original poster

Adviceneeded1986 · 19/10/2020 03:20

Thanks, that’s very helpful. Apparently with Trump’s proclamation an expedited VISA means re-entry is unclear but I’ll need to check this myself

OP posts:

NewIdeasToday · 19/10/2020 03:49

Can you even get a visa for the US at the moment? I thought visas and ESTAs were suspended due to Covid.

Also would you get travel insurance for USA at the moment?

Apart from this practical questions it seems rather odd that your husband has moved abroad without you both having a proper plan for keeping in touch. Has he left you?

FluffySunshineBunny · 19/10/2020 03:59

@Spybot

You don't need a visa to visit the US, you just need to complete a visa waiver form. That would allow you up to 3 months in the country.

Hope this helps.

None of this is true! You can only enter the US from the U.K. if you have a green card or are a US citizen. You can spend 14 days in Mexico and enter the US from a non banned country.

I'm in the US and we cannot leave as we would not be allowed back in.

lakesidewinter · 19/10/2020 04:00

Trump's visa restrictions are causing issues in some areas as are Covid restrictions.

But I am surprised that your DH didn't look at these issues before leaving.

Lifeisabeach09 · 19/10/2020 04:15

uk.usembassy.gov/information-for-nonimmigrant-visa-applicants-following-the-coronavirus-covid-19-outbreak/

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 19/10/2020 04:30

I'm sorry but it sounds like he has unilaterally ended the marriage.

How did you even get to the point where he packed up and emigrated without you? Was there no discussion, no agreement on how you would join him?

AgentJohnson · 19/10/2020 05:07

But I am surprised that your DH didn't look at these issues before leaving.

Not surprising if his plan was to bully and manipulate the OP into doing the thing she didn’t want to do all along. You’re married to a manipulative arse OP.

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 19/10/2020 05:14

I would go with him if I were you. I don't think many marriages do well when you are living in different countries. Do you have any children?

SoPanny · 19/10/2020 05:27

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I'm sorry but it sounds like he has unilaterally ended the marriage.

How did you even get to the point where he packed up and emigrated without you? Was there no discussion, no agreement on how you would join him?

This!

Like.... how are you even in this position? Did he have to move at speed?

Did you formally agree he’d move and you’d “follow”?

Hasn’t his work got an HR or relocation team to advise and guide on all of this?

Please tell me you don’t have kids because if you do, do not move.

Fortunategirl · 19/10/2020 05:44

Blimey. Your husband moved to a different country! I think that means the marriage is over don’t you?!?

Original poster

Adviceneeded1986 · 19/10/2020 10:50

No children. I’m pretty fuming as I feel like I’m drip fed information and he’s not being up front about it. He was meant to move in July and got delayed with the proclamation and it seems he went under an exemption then in October as he’s a health care worker and I only found out yesterday that he didn’t know if it was multiple entry. I’d asked this question and it told me it was so I’m really really seething.

OP posts:

EmmaGrundyForPM · 19/10/2020 10:54

OP I think your marriage has ended. I can't imagine being in this position, it sounds as though you both arent very committed. I do know marriages which have survived one party living in another country for a period, but only after very careful consideration and discussion as to how it will work.

Original poster

Adviceneeded1986 · 19/10/2020 11:13

Thanks, it was only meant to be for a year so I was ok with than but then he would say oh maybe 2 years etc. He’s leading me on

OP posts:

lakesidewinter · 19/10/2020 13:27

The only thing I will say in your DH's defense is that the proclamations about visas ( excluding Covid restrictions) were unexpected, unplanned and have caused chaos.
Lawyers aren't sure about all the impact because it is a new and unexpected situation.
It hasn't been easy to work out what is going on.
The Covid restrictions have made a difficult situation even harder and more chaotic.

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