Am I a bad person??

[doubleaces89]

I've been with DW 13 years. After the birth of our 3rd child 7 yrs ago, my DW developed an autoimmune disease; she lost all of her hair (alopecia), developed severe eczema and over the years has developed different coloured patches. She's a wonderful and kind person, and it been very traumatic.

The reason I'm writing this is I feel she's stopped being my sexual partner, but rather the mother of my children. We're a close family and get along really well, but probably now focus on the kids more than ourselves.

Primarily due to the illness, she now prefers to wear baggy clothes all the time (even when her skins ok), has stopped wearing any make-up and wears a bandana (she doesn't want to get a wig). Our sex life is also been affected as her libido has plummeted, and she has frequent skin flare ups (infected ezcema). The doctor has suggested oral immunosuppresants, however she doesn't want to take these due to possible side effects.

I know I'm being selfish, but I'm just tired of living without the physical / attraction / sex side of our relationship. It's been like this for several years.

We've frequently talked about this, and we both recognise the place where at isn't great, tried things like date night's etc, but we (or rather she) reverts back to her comfort zone.

I know I'll probably get slated for this, but I'm frustrated. Complicated one, but any advice would be appreciated.

Your wife must be feeling very very insecure after going through all of that, she probably doesn’t feel attractive so you prob need to give her lots and lots of reassurance that you still do find her attractive. You maybe think that you already do, but this will have obviously had a huge effect on her mentally so it’s going to take time.

Have you thought of ways that you can show your still attracted to her?

What's wrong with baggy clothes and a bandanna? Are you saying you want her to 'make an effort'?

I don’t think you are a bad person OP.
Your wife has been going through an incredibly difficult time health wise and understandably it has badly effected her self esteem. I assume you are and have been supportive of her throughout?
I think you need to keep communicating and consider couples counselling. Be honest with each other.

Hi OP, what a difficult situation for you both ☹️Perhaps you could buy your wife some "deluxe "bandanas, and some other just for her treats (skin creams, bath soaks?) Little things that are given with thought behind them are often the most appreciated gifts...💐

Skin creams and bath soaks are unlikely to be a good idea with eczema unless OP knows what doesn't irritate his wife's skin.

Marriage counselling might help you communicate better. Do you know why she doesn't want to have sex? Some immune conditions can cause exhaustion as well as loss of libido.