Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable on divorce

18 replies

Survived1 · 18/10/2020 20:40

Hi,
Me and my husband getting divorce.
My husband doesn't want to agree on finance and he wants to keep allhis money, this include payment towars the morgage plus more than half of the house equity, his inheritance, savings, what ever he has. We have 2 kids and my income is very little compare to his high salary. My question is, is it worth to go to court ? It will cost me money but in long term it will work better I guess. Anyone to advise on this please? Thank you

OP posts:
SPLUGSYMALONE · 18/10/2020 20:53

Definitely get legal help.

You are likely to be entitled to half the equity in the house and half his pension for a start (depending on what you have and the length of the marriage).

But the only person who can tell you for certain is a solicitor, so please see one soon to protect yourself

Original poster
Survived1 · 18/10/2020 21:05

I have the solicitor but it is extremely expensive. She only tells me what things cost, thats all. I am trying to do it without a court but it looks like I have no chose. Can I ask him to pay my legal fee? Can he reject that?

OP posts:
Otterhound · 18/10/2020 21:06

The starting point is 50/50 and that includes the house, his pension and all savings.

He is in for a very rude awakening.
Decent legal advise is worth every penny

Otterhound · 18/10/2020 21:10

Find another solicitor if this one is crap. And explain about lack of cash.

Obviously we dont know how much family money there is but it makes sense to pay for decent legal advise

RandomMess · 18/10/2020 21:13

If he has used inheritance towards family costs in anyway then even that is included in the 50:50 starting point...

Absolutely worth taking it to court!!

Has he kept his inheritance entirely separate??

TheSandman · 18/10/2020 21:20

@Otterhound

The starting point is 50/50 and that includes the house, his pension and all savings.

He is in for a very rude awakening.
Decent legal advise is worth every penny

In England a Wales maybe - in Scotland the law is different.
Fortunategirl · 18/10/2020 21:39

Check out the website rights for women
Google your area and “divorce solicitor” email at least 6. Find one who does a free half hour for you. Also try citizens advice. Also try posting in the legal section on mumsnet. As a starting point you get half of everything and you may not have to leave the house. Don’t sign any documents. You must see a good solicitor.

Techway · 18/10/2020 21:46

How much money is in debate?

Do you know value if all the assets? Have you tried mediation?

A solicitor should be able to give you an indication of court costs. It is likely that you could be awarded spousal maintenance for 3 years but depends on his income.

MessAllOver · 18/10/2020 21:49

Find a different solicitor if your present one is being unhelpful. It is sometimes possible to get an order for your DH to pay your legal fees if you have no access to the necessary funds.

50/50 will be the starting-point, but if you have put your career on hold to look after the DC and if you are going to be the primary carer going forward, you may get a greater share of the assets - so 60/40, 70/30.

You need to get the best deal you can for your DC.

Original poster
Survived1 · 19/10/2020 00:02

He knows that if we go to court I will get half of his money. He does not provide documents on time to extend his stay. I will have to change my solicitor . I need someone to give me good advise as well as telling me how much things coast. Thanks all

OP posts:
Original poster
Survived1 · 19/10/2020 12:32

Did anyone had experience that you thought you would get 50 /50 and went to court. Then got much less than you were expecting. My husban is incredibly clever and minupilative . I am worried that he would transfer all his money to someone to avoid giving it to me

OP posts:
HebeJeeby · 19/10/2020 14:17

I'm afraid that you cannot afford to not get a solicitor and go to court. Sometimes solicitors will represent you and take their fee out of your settlement depending on the size of you financial pot etc... perhaps try to find one like that. You need to lawyer up and let him/her do the work for you. Sorry that you are going through this.

MessAllOver · 19/10/2020 14:29

No experience with this, but I would say gather up as much financial information as you can (bank statements, pension statements etc.) for your solicitor to prevent him hiding this information. The first concern of the court will be to make sure the children are properly provided for, before they even get into 50/50 or anything like that.

Original poster
Survived1 · 19/10/2020 15:07

No I do not trust any of the lawyers to give me any advise. In the very first court hearing solicitor suggested that I have to move out and find the suitable home just incase because he was able to get morgage on his name easily. Also they have organised financial hearing without sorting childcare arrangements.. It is true that I have to lawyer up tell them what to do.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 19/10/2020 15:14

You really need a good solicitor who will fight for you, why should he keep it all ? How old are the children.? How long have you been married ?

StephenBelafonte · 19/10/2020 15:20

You don't need a solicitor or a barrister if you are competent enough to fill in complex forms.

Go straight to court. The judge will be fair. Look on wikidivorce for the steps you need to follow in order to get there. Good luck.

TheNortherner · 19/10/2020 15:51

Solicitors will milk you (and him) and in my experience tell you pretty much whatever you want except for the harsh reality and the truth is that if one party doesnt agree, you will either have to accept whats offered or spend north of £25k going to court for what effectively is a crap shoot/lottery. You won't see the same judge twice so effectively start from scratch each time but the only enforced decision is the last one. You are expected to get barristers whom dont know you, your case (very well) or your ex and again this is another lottery. It's a protracted ridiculous system, I mean I really don't get why the second hearing is needed, if you get that far you are probably not going to agree. You will probably find your ex starts taking out thousands of pounds in cash and 'disappearing it' and unless you have mega money no-one will care. The courts (in my experience) also dont really care about your career and how much being majority child carer has affected it unless you are eg a solicitor. I have a technical job and they didn't give a monkeys how child care had affected/affects my earning potential.
However, having said that if you are going to do it, get on with it before he can start moving money/hiding assets, although dont know how long you have been separated, so if he is devious he may have started. In all the process takes about a year. You will have to submit your bank statements and not your credit card statements, so if you dont want your life (or what you spend your money on) scrutinized, get a credit card and use that.

Dacquoise · 19/10/2020 16:43

Wikivorce is a great source of free advice as another app has said. Also consider a one off session with a direct access barrister who will be able to give you advice on the likely outcome if it goes to final hearing. They are in court everyday and see what judges award in different scenarios. If you can, do the paperwork yourself and save your money for a barrister to speak at the hearings. Solicitors very quickly swallow up money. My partner's divorce cost £100k. Good luck.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page