When someone asks you what or who are you looking for? Second date great & I don't know what to say?

[Ghostcake]

Hello MN,
I can safely say I am totally out of touch with the dating world.
Lurking on Tinder for years, have been on a few dates but haven't ever wanted to see anyone again. Never a spark or any chemistry in a longggg time.
Recently got asked out after a bit of a chat (he made me laugh - that was enough for me).
It's been a hell of a year, as I'm sure it has for most of us. Have been quite low; single mum & received some bad news & other things. Not great.
Anyway, went to meet this guy a week ago & I kid you not, felt this amazing connection & this massive high. Hung out for about 4 hours, massively enjoyed being with him, texting loads every day, then as we are so busy & living quite far away from one another, met on a video call last night for 4 hours. Didn't stop chatting, had a laugh.
I feel a bit excited (early days I know but really nice feeling)... he said last night he's looking to settle & fall in love ultimately & spoke about wanting a serious relationship (speaking generally, not about me) Lots of texting today & he said he never asked who or what I'm looking for. I mean, I was only on Tinder because I couldn't work out how to delete my account.
I've had some horrible stuff happen in the past with men & my free time is quite limited but I'm finding myself wanting to carve out time to see this guy (meeting again on Friday). So unlike me.
But I genuinely don't know how to reply to his question - I don't want to scare him off by saying the wrong thing but on the one hand, I want to take things very slowly & get to know one another & date for a bit (not so easy in this weird new world) & on the other hand I want to jump straight in, throw caution to the wind & fall madly in love.
I think I'm just after any advice, thoughts or pointers from those of you who might be in the early stages of dating.
My head feels frazzled!! I usually just walk away.

Just take it slow. Cut back on the constant texting. How far away does he live?

Assume he's lying until he proves differently. All guys will say settle fall in love as they know that's what women want to hear.

As for what you want, be a bit mysterious and a challenge. Something like you're not really sure yet. That you've thought about settling down but it would really take someone special.

I would say looking for the right relationship but I am very choosy so you were lucky to get a second date and see how he takes that. Do what you feel is right with messaging but cut him back if it gets uncomfortable. Just see where it goes. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

@RantyAnty @Otter71
Thanks so much for your replies.
My self confidence has taken a massive battering over recent years - would never think to say what you suggested but actually I am super choosy & I am quite mysterious too...
I'm always looking for the red flags - can't find any yet which is weird.
@RantyAnty we live about 15 miles from one another

I would tell him the truth but a very economical version of it. So if you are looking for The One, say something like, "I'm not really interested in casual flings so I am looking for someone who I would consider being with long term." (phrase it as if the choice and decision are yours not his.)

If you are not sure whether you're after a fling or marriage or something in between , say something like 'I don't have a fixed plan of what I want. That would depend very much on who I meet and how I feel about them.'

Don't lie and certainly don't try to work out what to say to please him or any other man on Tinder. Work out what to say to please you.

Thanks @monkeyonthetable

So grateful for your response.
You've worded it just how I've been wanting to say it!

Hope it works well OP. I’m stealing those words with pride myself - as it actually sums up what I think- and normally I have just accepted I really don’t have a clue!

@MsJinks I know, right?
So glad I posted here! 😃

DH asked me that and I replied with a 10-point list... You need to be assertive about what you want and working out if this guy is right for you. Not wanting to ‘scare him off by saying the wrong thing’ sounds a bit like you’re a doormat. Sorry.

Remember it's nearly impossible to scare off a guy who is smitten!

Is it a matter of separating out the fucking from a potential relationship? I mean a friend with benefits deal is quite different to a full on relationship. That may be obvious but it may mean thinking about what you really want. If you just want a fuck then go for it. Just be clear that's all it is.