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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this normal?

6 replies

Ry151 · 18/10/2020 19:17

Good evening MN , hope you are all well :)
So I broke with my girlfriend 3months ago now we were together for 4yrs so quite a while wasn't just a short fling it was a serious relationship with lots of ups and downs mainly due to me but not fully.
To cut a long story short we've been broke up for 3 months now and I am in absolute pain especially because she is in a new relationship already which I find crazy after all the years we were together and it breaks my heart especially when she tells me "he's amazing" " I'm so in love" " he treats me amazing" etc which I know it is to wind me up and is probably just a rebound but she does seem to really be in love with him always with him doing stuff etc but then again up until a few weeks ago she was still meeting up with me kissing me while seeing this guy so she can't love him that much but apparently there "serious" now and we cut all contact other week so shes never even had the chance to miss me.
Anyway, I am going off-topic here the main reason for the post is I physically or mentally can not see my self with another girl, and like I cry every day driving to work, every day after work and I just can't see me ever moving on or finding anyone ever again or truly loving anyone as I do her.
Are these emotions, feelings, and thoughts normal after a breakup? I mean I just feel so depressed, sad, and broken, and like I say I'm absolutely terrified I will never love anyone or find anyone ever again feels like the end of the world.

OP posts:
category12 · 18/10/2020 19:28

You need to stop contact with her and give yourself time and space to heal. You're not in a place where you can be "friends" without it hurting you, so tell her you need some time out and end contact.

category12 · 18/10/2020 19:29

Basically she's keeping you around as a fallback option and keeping you hopeful. You need to take control and cut her off.

Ry151 · 18/10/2020 19:35

@category12

You need to stop contact with her and give yourself time and space to heal. You're not in a place where you can be "friends" without it hurting you, so tell her you need some time out and end contact.
Yes we already have now and tbh she doesn't want to be friends and neither do I as I think we both know we could never be "friends".
OP posts:
MasksGlovesSoapScrubs · 18/10/2020 19:39

Breaks ups hurt. You will be okay. Give it time Smile

Mabelface · 18/10/2020 19:43

It's normal to grieve. Day by day it gets easier and then you move on to your next chapter. Take it easy.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/10/2020 20:39

Pretty much everything you said about how you're feeling is normal, yes.

Someone once told me that the time it takes to heal from a break up is the length of the relationship in years, double that in months. So in your case - together 4 years, so about 8 months until you feel ready to date again.

(obviously it's different for everyone, but it seems like a good guideline to me.)

So chin up - you'll feel better in time, and do better than this woman.

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