baby, 1 year old, 2 year old... what age put the mkst strain on your relationship?

[sunshineeleven]

Just interested really. Relationship isn’t great as it is and with a 3 month old I’ve heard the worst is yet to come with strain on a relationship. Anyone been there and can speak from experience?

Personally the first year was the biggest strain as I was massively sleep deprived (babies mostly wanted breastfeeding back to sleep). That meant we barely had an evening together and never really went out just the two of us. Also being on maternity leave whilst DH worked meant we were both a bit jealous of the other at times.

I can see for others the baby phase would be easier with more time and it would be harder with a stroppy toddler.

The first 6 months is extremely hard while baby is so dependent on mum. Once they start eating and interacting more I found our relationship became more balanced from 6 months ish, then lots better after a year. But everyone is different, and every situation puts different strains on a relationship. Hang in there, it can feel really lonely in my experience.

The hardest part was from 4 months-about 10 months. The whole first year was quite hard but it got a lot easier when DS started to sleep better at about 11 months. We were both much less irritable/emotional with enough sleep. But my body didn't feel good until about 20 months so our sex life was a bit shit until then.

I would say it’s the first 2 years that are the hardest. But I think what makes the difference is just both accepting it’s going to be tough and sticking with each other and supporting each other rather than constantly being at each other’s throats. And knowing that if your relationship is solid then you just have to hang in there and get through it together. Talking about what we needed from each other and making sure we both had time for ourselves and each other was key. It meant friends and hobbies had to take a bit more of a backseat for the first year or so.