What is the meaning of 'emotionally unavailable'

[user18594]

Trying to figure out if this is the right way to describe someone... what is your understanding of this term?

@Dacquoise
you almost described my DH to a T.

@Wanttobeonabeach
I am in the process of leaving one of these kinds. Just like you said, made me feel like I was going crazy for wanting normal things.

I'm a woman and would say I'm emotionally unavailable. I can talk about my feelings and listen to others', but I'd rather just listen to their's than share mine to be honest. I dislike people trying to make too many plans with me, it makes me feel claustrophobic.

Emotionally 'detached' in a romantic relationship.

These people can make you feel very needy and insecure.

Not sure if it makes sense but even if they speak about emotions and seem intimate with you they aren't. It really means very little to them and as if they are just playing a script.

Leaves you feeling very confused about what is real and what isn't. That's my opinion anyway 😁

@loveyourself2020, try to make sure you end up with a securely attached partner for the next one. The difference is phenomenal. I feel for you, my marriage was a pit of loneliness and the worse thing was other people couldn't see it. He came across as Mr Nice Guy. Divorce disproved that. The nasty, petty, vengeful side of him came out to play. No more Mr Nice Guy.

@Dacquoise
Yes, my husband appears to be a perfect one. That is why it took me 25 years to allow myself to say, I am not happy. The abuse was so subtle I always though I was imagining it, I am too sensitive. I am not sure what to call it, passive aggressive, narcissistic, either way he was manipulating me into compliance. He controlled everything happening in our home from how much to pay for broccoli to weather or not to buy a house. Once I started taking control and doing things I wanted to do he would “punish” me by not joining. If I am taking kids away for a spring break weekend, he would not come with us to show me that he does not approve. If I am going out with my sister and BIL for dinner he would not join to show me that he does not approve. So basically, I would go but will not enjoy myself completely because I would feel guilty that he is not there. Not to mention that I had to come up with excuses when people ask me why he did not show up.

Just not that into you?

I totally get that. The manipulation and control is very subtle and makes you confused about whether you are imagining it or over reacting. I went into therapy because I didn't know my left hand from my right I had been so brainwashed. Therapist said it was stockholm syndrome and PTSD. My ex husband thought he was so clever. Convinced everyone including my own family and some of my friends that he was totally innocent and the wronged party. Have a look at passive aggression. It fits the behaviour very well. You feel punished but it looks innocuous to the outside world.

Believe me life is 1000% better without them. You start to get clarity when your head isn't being messed with. Nothing gets past me now. I hope you get your feedback.

Not willing to do any emotional labour.

Freedom back!