Liking only one half of a couple...

[Calmondeck]

I'm sure other people experience this all of the time, I'd love your advice if you've experienced similar...

I am becoming good friends with a neighbour living on the same street. My DH and I both enjoy her company a lot. Her DH and my DH have a lot in common, on paper. If you described their interests and hobbies they'd come out almost identical.

However, in personality, they are polar opposites. My DH is an overly optimistic, spontaneous, storyteller, her DH is analytical, cynical and well planned.

We bump into eachother regularly on the street/in the neighbourhood, and as we are all english speakers in a non-english speaking country, it's nice to have those conversations.

I catch up with my lovely friend at least twice a week for sport or dinners, and she is regularly suggesting all four of us get together. We have done so a few times, each time my DH does so willingly but comes away a bit exhausted by our friend's gloomy DH. The friend confided in me that her DH is quite flat at the moment and could really use the friendship.... my DH said life is too short to force a friendship with a polar opposite.

Do I just always make excuses for why no foursome catch-ups going forward?

I think you should say flat out that your husband isn't looking for any more friendships just now. It's a shame her husband isn't doing well but your husband can't be expected to work on creating a friendship that he doesn't want! It's bad enough when parents force this stuff on their children.

If a foursome is good for you then maybe that can continue? I have been known to go along to many foursomes that I didn't feel a connection with the wife but it was still all good and fine ... If you had told me I had to be her friend I would have felt trapped and run a mile.