How will I know?

[Skyclouder]

I split up with partner of 2 years yesterday. It’s so raw and hard to accept that I’ve made the right decision.

I know it’s normal to be like this and to question myself but we just ended up splitting because we didn’t know if there was something wrong or not.

It became the elephant in the room. I think COVID has affected us a lot as we were in together and we are still working from home every day.

We made love yesterday and had dinner out in the week, it was lovely. But yesterday he moved out. It’s sort of my choice as I’m getting a gut feel that something is awry - but we’re generally OK. In love, laugh, support each other and he’d walk over hot coals for me. Everything should be perfect. We fancy each other a lot too and there is a spark.

I was abused as a child by my stepfather so maybe that’s what’s done it. Who knows.

I just don’t want to make a mistake.

I think that is strange alright. Not sure of your age and how many other relationships you have had but you seem to have given up on this one very easily.

Why could you not have suggested a trial separation on the basis of being so much together over the last number of months.

I would assume that all is not lost but you could live to regret it.

Sounds like your anxiety is in control of you.

You say you're in love, support each other, fancy each other etc. You've been going out, making love and yet you wanted to split for a feeling that things weren't right. Sounds like you've given up a good relationship because of your past anxieties.

I'm sorry I don't understand why you broke up?

I'd ring him and ask him to come over tbh to see if he wants to try again

Before he asks someone else out!

I’m struggling to see here why you decided to end things.

I don’t understand why you have split up with him?

What were the reasons behind the breakup?

That’s the problem. There aren’t any.

Nothing serious. We didn’t argue.

Just kept having a strange feeling.

Well that is an odd reason to end it. People don’t tend to break up when everything is going well but just in case

I think you posted about this very recently. I remember saying at the time that your feeling that something wasn’t right could be because your dysfunctional upbringing means that: (1) you are more familiar and comfortable with an unhealthy dynamic and therefore a good, healthy relationship incorrectly feels wrong to you; or (2) you are hyper-vigilant and something genuinely is wrong but you just haven’t worked out what yet; or (3) perhaps at some level you don’t think you deserve happiness and you are self-sabotaging.

Based on what you said then and now, there seems no reason to end the relationship. So I suspect it’s probably a combination of 1 and 3 but only you can know. Have you had any therapy to overcome your abusive childhood?

@Skyclouder

That’s the problem. There aren’t any.

Nothing serious. We didn’t argue.

Just kept having a strange feeling.

Do you mind answering a couple of questions op...

Have you ever felt like you need to get away from people op? E.g., has a friend or partner ever made you feel invaded or suffocated?

Are you a person who generally values her independence, would you say?

I would be interested to know what reason you gave your partner for ending it? What is his take on it?

We’re both confused as to why i am so unsettled.

Well, I’m not surprised you’re both confused - there’s very little here (nothing, in fact) that makes objective sense as a reason to end it.
He must be incredibly hurt.