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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

People who don't live with partners - are you seeing each other during lockdown?

73 replies

Eesha · 18/10/2020 11:23

Just wondering. We are Tier 2 so can't see each other indoors and not anticipating this changing for a long time. What are others doing?

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Eesha · 20/10/2020 03:28

@Emmie12345 I'd definitely see my partner but he's the one who is a real stickler to the rules and believes if we all abide, then covid will disappear. I have to respect his wishes but I've made my point that I don't agree and that we will hardly ever see each other.

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musicalfrog · 20/10/2020 06:21

Oh Eesha i do feel for you. Hope you're ok. Flowers

Sakurami · 20/10/2020 06:27

I didn't see my ex during the first lockdown. I'm in tier 2 and am seeing my boyfriend and will continue to do so. My children are mixing with lots of kids at school and at their sports and part time jobs. Our area is low risk but have been lumped together with the rest of the county.

booboo24 · 20/10/2020 06:36

oh @eesha I'm so sorry, that's really hard, how long does he think this will go on for?

Eesha · 20/10/2020 09:41

@booboo24 @musicalfrog Thank you both. I think he is just seeing how things go with how the covid rates change but I'm hoping the sight of us both bedraggled in a rain each weekend whilst we both have nice homes, will convince him this is crazy!

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ghostmous3 · 20/10/2020 12:08

I saw my dp throughout the whole of last lockdown
We lived a mile apart, he had no dependents and lived alone and we stuck to the rules in every other way

We became each others supporters and he moved in back in july anyway

What's the point in making yourself miserable for these stupid no sense rules

wishfuldreamer · 20/10/2020 12:31

We stuck it out last time. at the moment we can still see each other as single household support bubbles, but if they change that, I'm not sure we'll stick to it. I wouldn't blame anyone who broke this rule...this could be 6 months, and that is a really long time. It's one thing doing that if you're long distance, and you have the rest of your life to get on with, but i spent all of last lockdown completely on my own and it was awful. i was a bit of a husk of a human by the end of it.

We've also discussed just moving in together temporarily, which six months further on in our relationship now feels more doable, though has it's own challenges - even if it wasn't a permanent arrangement.

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/10/2020 12:42

HI @Eesha. Me and bf temporarily moved in together in the last lockdown but now there is no end in sight, that is not possible so we will still be seeing each other. He is currently tier 2 and I am 1. We are each other's support bubble anyway as both single adult households.

Eesha · 20/10/2020 12:46

@Sunshineandflipflops Hi, my issue is really I have to use family as support to look after my children. He has no dependents though. I think regardless, he just needs to be ok with whatever he does so I'm hoping we can at least have long walks and then maybe more. My issue is also that there is no end in sight but I've flagged it to him. Fundamentally we have different views but I'm really hoping he comes round.

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booboo24 · 20/10/2020 12:51

I doubt they'll remove the support bubbles (fingers crossed) We aren't technically allowed to form one, but still in a T1 area so it's not yet a problem. If either of our areas move up to T2, which I'm sure they will in the not too distant future, then we have already decided to carry on seeing each other. We aren't taking any other risks at all, but like a lot of you have said, this could go on for months yet. I hate breaking the rules, and wish they would adopt the same strategies as other countries have with regards to people in our situation.

SweatyBetty20 · 20/10/2020 12:55

I met mine at the start of lockdown and we stuck to the rules until I was allowed to bubble with him. He's got two kids he has 50/50, and his mum is in a bubble with his sister and her family. I live alone, no kids. He's just gone into Tier 3 and I've been what feels like Tier 2 for months (Oldham).

We are seeing each other for an overnight once a week. We don't go out - we just go for a walk or a bike ride, cook a nice dinner and watch a film at home. I'm not allowed to see my mates, or my family, (I have no parents), so we have only very minimally mixed with others over the last few months. We both only do one supermarket shop a week and haven't been in restaurants or pubs and both work from home. We don't use public transport or taxis.
We're being very careful, but seeing each other once a week keeps us sane.

ambs1994 · 20/10/2020 13:02

The first lockdown we lasted 8 weeks not going round each others houses but luckily we actually worked together at the time so could see each other there.

We've still been seeing each other but not been staying. We've been together 5.5 years and no way would we not be seeing each other. We only still live with parents, bf with mother because we're still saving up for a deposit for our own place.

Greeneyes78 · 20/10/2020 17:04

I would absolutely still see my friends, boyfriend, family, the whole lot.

LilyWater · 20/10/2020 19:34

[quote Eesha]**@booboo24* @musicalfrog* Thank you both. I think he is just seeing how things go with how the covid rates change but I'm hoping the sight of us both bedraggled in a rain each weekend whilst we both have nice homes, will convince him this is crazy![/quote]
He's not crazy, he's being cautious about his health and the health of others he could spread it to. I'm sure like anyone, he would much rather be socialising as normal than following restrictions but he's chosen not to be selfish in that regard.

Setting aside the moral question of spreading covid to others and potentially killing them, on an individual level if you're not in a vulnerable group, then yes it's definitely a lower risk but you have no way of knowing if you're one of the ones who would get a more severe reaction to covid even if you're not vulnerable, or if you will end up with 'long Covid'.

If this was about normal seasonal flu then yes his reaction could be called crazy but covid is NOT flu where you're basically guaranteed that if you're not in a vulnerable group that you will be fine. It is a new virus that can damage not only the lungs but other organs in the body and we're still learning all the time about its medium and long term effects.

Over the next several months, things will be continuing to progress in terms of better treatments and potentially a vaccine. If you're going to get covid, much better to delay to as far in the future as you can, where the virus is better understood and if you're in hospital, you're not in an environment where staff are already stretched by winter related pressures!

Eesha · 20/10/2020 19:51

@LilyWater i do appreciate your post and I agree in principle. The thing is how long would this be for? I'm being as careful as I can be given I have kids but I don't go anywhere other than to my support bubble and school. He lives alone and works from home. Should we now never be closer than 1m going forward? I personally feel I should be in a bubble with my family and him. I'm respecting his wishes but it does make me feel really sad as I don't think our relationship will ever progress.

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supercali77 · 20/10/2020 20:11

It says in the guidance I read that all tiers allow support bubbles? Why would switching to a higher tier change anyones situation? Re @eesha issue and a pp who pointed out that this is to prevent spread. Correct but support bubbles are allowed under the guidelines. They are separate to childcare bubbles. So actually, it is a little overzealous to remove the bubble as well as following all other guidelines.

TeaOneSugar · 20/10/2020 20:22

We're a support bubble so no reason not to see each other this time, we stuck to the rules last time and it was hard but we both wanted to protect our children. Hopefully support bubbles will stay in place now.

booboo24 · 20/10/2020 21:03

@LilyWater I too do see your point, totally I do, and this is where I struggle as I also suffer with GAD, so over thinking and over analysing rules my life, and therefore I am really struggling even at the thought of breaking the rules in the future!! Like others though it's the thought that this could go on for months that is causing the issue i think.

Eesha · 28/10/2020 19:53

@booboo24 completely agree with things feeling like there is no end in site. Thankfully I met my partner with the intention of spending the day 1m apart and he ended up breaking that rule in the end. He thinks we can get through all this but I have to keep in mind that these are strange new times

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booboo24 · 28/10/2020 20:04

@Eesha I'm pleased you managed to see him, as long as you both want this you will get through it, we did it the first time round and came out the other side, it was ridiculously hard but I'm glad we did. As long as you're careful everywhere else I think it's a balanced risk for an 'established couple' to make.

Emmie12345 · 28/10/2020 21:33

Gosh just see your partner !

Eesha · 28/10/2020 21:51

@booboo24 thanks! Yes we both want to but I guess it's just frustrating for me (1st world problems) so causes me angst!

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Nc135 · 28/10/2020 22:18

My husband and I live in different countries for our children and we are flying to see each other.

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