Is this offensive?

[Sashisoo]

Talking to a guy on an app who is mid 30s, I’m late 20s, around 8 years between us. He has young kids and I don’t. We have exchanged a few messages and seemed to all be going fine. He then asked if i normally date guys a little older... I replied that was how things had worked out, not really by design but normally how it had happened. I then asked him jokingly if he normally went for younger women?

He hasn’t replied and I will leave it, but feel like I have crossed a line or offended him. Jokey or offensive? I used an emoji to soften the tone! 😂

Not offensive no. But his distinct vanishing at that moment would make me think you had touched a nerve - because he DOES only go for younger women.

That being said late twenties and mid thirties isnt that big of a gap. Just make sure his isn't still with the kids mother if you do end up pursuing something with him. And by make sure, I don't just mean asking. Do some social media detective work ect lol.

Well, if he considers your question offensive then he should have considered his question offensive as well. Double standards are a big red flag BTW.

No, it doesn't sound offensive at all.

He's a bit of a flake.

Unfortunately flakey behaviour and disappearing is par for the course on OLD.

Incidentally men who are separated/divorced with young kids are, not always, but often utter twats.

Their ex wife/partner split with them (or they left her) with v young children, which generally indicates they are totally off in their behaviour in some way ... Because mother's of babies and young children tend very much not to want to break up their relationship & family, and are generally utterly beyond the end of their tether to do so. You have to ask yourself why they would be.
If he left them, doesn't usually say great things either.

A lot of divorced men of young kids are just circulating/recycled shit in terms of relationship material.

You said he didn’t reply but how long ago was it ?

Lol has not replied.

Yeah it is a bit of a red flag maybe. I know he was with the mother of his kids for like 13 years before separating 2 years ago. Kids are 4 and 6.

Sorry should say has now replied. We are going to have a socially distanced meet next week

Incidentally men who are separated/divorced with young kids are, not always, but often utter twats.

Yes that's generally true in my real life experience too. I would always tread very carefully before even considering a relationship with a man who has young children. You see it on here a lot too. The new partner/stepmum having to deal with the same kind of nonsense that presumably made his first wife leave him in the first place.

Inclined to agree with pp, no one tells their husband to go if it means raising a 2 and 4 year old alone...unless he or rotten...or he is child number 3 and they can't be arsed with him anymore. And a man leaving his wife with two young kids doesn't credit his character either.

Agree with pp. Usually something bad happened if couples break up when they have small DC, my friend is dating a man with a very young DD and his ex wife kicked him out because he was a controlling and abusive twat. He still is, but now to my friend instead of ex wife who is happy to be rid of him. Another guy she dated had a baby with his ex, was still spending the night at exes house regulary 'because the baby was sick' and more shady behavior. Now back with his ex and we doubt if they had really ever broken up in the first place....

Proceed with great caution OP.

Yep totally agree with PP about divorced men with really young kids. Some other woman got sick.if him so now he's loose. My exH is a classic example, already cheating on his new partner/mother to be of his child

I see he has replied to you but for the future OP nine times out of ten men disappear online, its rarely anything you've said or done.