Baby only 5 months old and can’t stop thinking about leaving my partner

[haylz3191]

please be kind, never used this website before and not even sure what I am looking for...

My partner and I have been together for roughly 6 years... the relationship was good before baby and we barely ever argued, there were always characteristics/traits in my partner that I did not like but I never really addressed these before baby. Now baby is here I can no longer brush off the behaviours I don’t agree with. This is building up to where I can’t stand most of his traits...

Having a baby during lockdown/pandemic has not been easy, there were a few complications and not having family and friends able to help really impacted us, plus I do not live in the same city as my family/friends so didn’t have easy access to garden visits.

Anyway, pretty much since I came home with baby there has been mega problems and LOTS of extreme fall outs, I am feeling like we are not compatible, he is a good dad and would do everything he could for our boy, but I honestly feel he does not have the capacity to change as a partner to fulfil my needs too.

I can’t stop thinking about this... I go back and forth 100 times a day re what I want and what I should do, I feel like I am ruining my experience of maternity leave with my first and potential only child. I am devastated at how sad I feel... it’s getting worse...

Everything feels more complicated with having such a young baby... his routines change weekly how on earth would we be able to co-parent with such a young baby, I over thinking everything.

I am just desperate... I would like to just park this for a year and focus on raising our beautiful baby but I can’t switch off!

Does anyone else have any experience of feeling like this with such a young baby? I feel like the only person in the world who is in the situation... so sad 😞

Many, many parents struggle with relationships when a new baby comes along. DH and I are onto our second baby and especially with lockdown we are struggling a bit too. I know from my first child that this will improve when she is a bit older and we are just struggling with less free time and not enough sleep. Depending on what the problems are then I would consider parking the issues of wanting to leave until the baby is at least a year, if not longer in the present climate. When the baby is a bit older things will easier for you and you will be able to start to think a bit more about what you want. I found the book how not to hate your husband after kids useful. DH uses the FBI hostage negotiations from this book on me.

I say it depends on the issues. There would be some situations were I would obviously not choose to stay and would advise a friend the same.

Oh gosh I feel like I could have written this myself. My baby is 6 months and a poor sleeper. Me and my partner argue all the time and one of the reasons is that he has become such a fussy person and a worrier since we had baby and whilst it is natural it winds me right up! I also am far from family and in a tier 2 area so quite isolated. He is a keyworker and has always worked so whilst he barely noticed lockdown I only ever saw him. It's so hard.

What I do know is though that I'm really tired and isolated. That won't always be the case. Now is not the time for a rash decision. I have accessed some counselling via my gp, not about my relationship necessarily but to give me someone to talk to. Might that help? I also met some mum friends at a baby group and you might find you definitely aren't the only one. If you can you need to try and talk to your partner about this.

The grass is nt always greener, being single will be hard in different ways.

You may have post natal depression? Call the HV and get checked.

I wouldn't rush anything in this current climate I would speak to g p as just says pnd could be affecting you. Also its hard going for any new parents and I think counselling could help. Your a mum and dad first then a partnership 2nd. Get help before you decide and if you still feel this way go whilst your dc is a toddler before it gets more complicated for you. Good luck op.

Hi, was wondering what you did in the end? What decision did you make as I am in the exact same position and struggling...

Hi, i am also interested in the outcome of this because i am in the same situation.