Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don’t understand my reaction

12 replies

Inexperiencedchick · 17/10/2020 19:47

Went for 2 nights outside of the city for a small get away (before the rules have changed). This was our first (and probably the last) holiday together. Nice atmosphere, nice place to stay and beautiful scenery. I was happy, he seemed happy.
As don’t live together and not possible to meet regularly, (plus he had non-COVID health issues that made him stay indoors) the last time we were intimate was June. So becoming intimate this time was great but painful at the same time. I get dry more often and having sex 4 times a day was a lot and painful. The day we had to leave, the check out was at midday. He said we will get cosy in the morning again, the night before, and in the morning I started to dread and worried about being in pain again. We went for breakfast during which I have asked if he wants to have the part of the breakfast that made him uncomfortable the day before. His reply was “it is soy milk” meaning not diary. When we came back to the room I have said why did he talk that way and that he shouldn’t be taking his frustration on me. In any given moment I would brush this off, I don’t know why I mentioned it. He got more annoyed. After 15 min, I went outside for a walk, after 5 min I called him and asked to come out as the weather was nice, but was crying my eyes out. I couldn’t stop. When came back from walk I didn’t want to engage with him, he was trying to become intimate. Then said “I always reject him” Not true, I enjoy intimacy with him and care deeply.
We went back, he was driving and on the car he started to question again my behaviour, and I burst in to tears again. I asked him to drop me on the pavement and that I will return myself. He obviously drove to the destination, but I barely spoke. Half of the way I was in tears.
I don’t know what pushed me to crying the last day of holidays. But no contact anymore.

I don’t know what is it...

OP posts:
GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 17/10/2020 19:52

I'm ma bit confused by some of your post, but IMO that kind of uncontrollable weeping often happens when you've been in a situation you're not happy about for a long time, told yourself everything is fine when it's really not and literally can't do it any more. Did you want to be having sex 4 times a day?

Inexperiencedchick · 17/10/2020 19:58

No. My libido is lower than his. In the car I was crying because he said I don’t love him and that I will blame him for this. When in reality I didn’t even think abt it.

OP posts:
category12 · 17/10/2020 20:05

I don't think it's particularly surprising that you were emotional after having sex you didn't particularly want or enjoy multiple times and then he was saying about getting "cosy" again as code for sex.

If it's painful and you don't want it, you should stop. If you want it, but it's painful, use lube and go gently.

it sounds like you're better off without him if he doesn't give a shit about whether you're enjoying the sex or not.

Inexperiencedchick · 17/10/2020 20:33

When I asked him to drop me on the pavement, he got more annoyed with me and said “I’m arrogant”, which wasn’t the case. I just didn’t want him to talk to me like that. If he would have hugged me when I stated my unhappiness after breakfast it would be a different story. Instead he went to become defensive. And his questioning in the car actually made the situation worse that I couldn’t stop tears.

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 17/10/2020 20:37

I'm confused about the soy milk?

BubblyBarbara · 17/10/2020 20:43

What are you even getting out of this relationship? No DC, call an end to it while you see how sour it is

Dery · 17/10/2020 23:53

“I don't think it's particularly surprising that you were emotional after having sex you didn't particularly want or enjoy multiple times and then he was saying about getting "cosy" again as code for sex.

If it's painful and you don't want it, you should stop. If you want it, but it's painful, use lube and go gently.”

This with bells on. There is no pleasure in sex that makes you sore - beyond the immediate pain, in my experience ‘dry’ sex is also more likely to result in a UTI. And there’s no pleasure in sex you don’t want.

You’re not required to match his higher libido. My H’s libido has always been higher than mine and we compromised on frequency (I can enjoy affectionate sex rather than specifically having to feel horny) but the compromise was still considerably closer to my natural level of desire than to his.

This guy sounds sulky and entitled.

Bouledeneige · 18/10/2020 00:03

I'm not too sure what the breakfast and soy stuff is all about.

But don't continue to have painful or dry sex. You need to know and show him what you need sexually and use lube too - why would you keep having horrible sex? It's your body and you deserve to enjoy it too. No wonder you cried. Learn to say what you need and get In touch with what turns you on. It's empowering.

It sounds like a painful weekend in more ways than one OP.

jessstan1 · 18/10/2020 00:08

I think you are just not sexually compatible. If you do not desire sex, you will be dry and it will hurt.

I'm so sorry.

Anordinarymum · 18/10/2020 00:10

Reading this sounds like he only wants you for sex OP

FurTeacup · 18/10/2020 00:13

@category12

I don't think it's particularly surprising that you were emotional after having sex you didn't particularly want or enjoy multiple times and then he was saying about getting "cosy" again as code for sex.

If it's painful and you don't want it, you should stop. If you want it, but it's painful, use lube and go gently.

it sounds like you're better off without him if he doesn't give a shit about whether you're enjoying the sex or not.

Absolutely this. But I’m also confused about the soy milk/part of the breakfast that made him uncomfortable thing.

He sounds bad-tempered and sexually selfish, and if someone used the euphemism ‘getting cosy’ for sex to me, my vagina would be like the Sahara.

Don’t ever have painful, dry sex, OP. Did Mr Soy not even notice?

chickenyhead · 18/10/2020 00:14

So, you were already crying in the car when he decided that the appropriate response was to call you arrogant?

You had been crying during your post argument walk, which he knew about, when he decided that the appropriate response was to try it on and accuse you of always rejecting him?

I'm sorry, but this mini break has shown you who he is and what you mean to him.

You deserve better and you know this, but you are feeling sad and scared because you have already invested too much in this.

Get rid of this thoughtless dick, wash yourself down and demand better for yourself in future.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page