How do you actually leave a relationship

[Proseccodreams]

So my relate counsellor said my husband is emotionally abusive and after reading things like “word salad” I agree it sounds just like my reality. I feel like my feelings have changed towards him and I don’t think I can get them back. I want to be happy and I want our 7 year old daughter to have a happy life so I want to leave him. But I’m scared. My counsellor said when someone decideS to leave is exactly when I’m at my most vulnerable. I always thought when it came to an end it would happen normally with a chat and me saying it was over but now I’m wondering if that is indeed safe. So my question is how do I actually leave? How do I tell him, how does it work in that moment? Please help

Do you have somewhere to go? Do you have a support system?

You need to make sure you have somewhere to go first - or is he moving out ?
Make sure you’ve got all your important paperwork safely out of the house
Then a discussion with him. It’ll go either way. He will either get angry - if he threatens you in anyway you call the police
Or he’ll be resigned to it.

Then once your out - or he is. You can talk about contact for you child

It’s likely to be a little bumpy until things are sorted tho.

My sister is right there for me but does not have a spare room, my best friend is struggling with the Covid situation so I couldn’t ask to go there and my mum has cancer so I can’t even tell her right now. I will need to find somewhere to stay if I go, taking our daughter and dog with me! In an ideal world he would leave but I’m not sure if he’ll be reasonable or not. I will get all my paperwork sorted.
I feel like the counsellor is wrong and why would I be in danger when I’ve never felt in danger before but he was so insistent that I feel I’d be a fool to ignore her.

Sorry meant “she was so insistent”

Speak to Women's Aid.

Most women who are murdered by abusive partners are killed when they try to exit the relationship - because the abusive man was losing control of them when they tried to leave (abuse is about control, if you leave they lose control of you and if they can't get it back...).

In many of those cases, their murder was the first time that the abuse had included physical violence.

Speak to Women's Aid and make a safe plan.

Ok So if I find somewhere to go then tell him when I’m out of the house? And then I guess I can get an occupation order to move back into our family home and get him to move out?