Partner is a walking cliche

[brokenandsad1]

Same old story.

Few weeks ago partner out the blue says he's unhappy, want to do more of his own thing, I make him feel important etc. We talked for days I ask if there's anyone else? He says no, never, we decide on things to make relationship better and to try to make things work.

Months ago got a funny feeling about a women at work (we both work there, I picked up on weird body language. I get told it's all in my head, until she text him today whilst his phone was next to me. Lots of gushing about how his words and messages mean the world to her and she's not in a bad place because of "us" all other messages and phone calls deleted. He tells me they kiss that's all.

Now he's saying they didn't kiss, that he only said that as he's been trying to end our relationship for months but I've trapped him, As I told him that if we break up he has to leave, he thinks we can just live together as 2 single people (been there done that, hurts too much)

He's spent all day telling me either it's all his fault and he's emotionally broken and its all his issues, or that it my fault cos I treated him like he was unimportant and I'm controlling or rewriting our past and that he never loved me, it was all faked as he "wanted to be a better person and have a "fairytale" life.

I'm just broken, he's staying at his parents with his kids and my sons at his dads. I'm lying here alone crying so hard I can't breathe, I love him so much. I fell of all the hopes and dreams he gave me. And now he's just ripped my heart out. I have no idea what to do.

I fell so stupid for falling for him/his bullshit.

I am so sorry. It will hurt but you will recover. He is blaming you for his weakness as I imagine he can only live with adoration and the honeymoon phase.

How long have you been together?

What knobbish behaviour. You poor thing,

He is not "broken" or however else he described it, he has chosen to behave appallingly and it's certainly not your fault.

He’s not broken, he’s just a common or garden knob. When all this is over you will be okay, you will be happy again, but he will always have to live with the fact that he is a knob.

I’m so sorry he’s putting you through this 💐

@Techway 2 years living together a year.

He keeps rewriting out past saying he never really loved me, this is the man who cried about how much he wanted to marry me 6 months ago. Who on Sunday told me with wide eyed conviction he "really does" love me.

I feel so stupid that I brought my son in to this, I never would of done unless I thought it was forever. He's fucked up 4 kids lives as well as mine.

What is the housing situation? Will you have to move?

Do you have friends you can call..the shock and hurt will turn to anger.

Do not be jerked around by this guy. He’s now going to use this to try and get off with the other woman. “I left her for you”. Block and delete him from your life. You deserve better. He’s a liar

Honestly it never ceases to amaze me how some men people can just reinvent the past to suit themselves and behave so deceptively. Especially when there's someone else they want. He's worked himself up into believing you have no relationship- that's what they do when they start cheating. It's their story - they tell it to the OW and they tell it to themselves - and they believe it.

You have no choice. He won't and shouldn't stay with you. And you do NOT want him in your home. Guessing he's had one divorce and you are the second (not married but you go have a DC). He's just one of those men. He believes his own bullshit. And so does the OW. He's clearly been laying the charm on thick and doing his very best mr amazing impersonation.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please do not blame yourself - it's just who he is. Once the honeymoon is over he needs to move on and get that high from someone else, he will do it forever.

@Techway yes I can't afford the house rent/bills on my own, I work PT as my son has SEN and so there is no option for wrap around care. He's threatening to not pay the rent in November if I don't let him back (he's earns 4x my wage)

My sons only just settled in the last year after I left the abusive relationship I had with his dad 4 years ago.

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl you've hit the nail on the head about the charm/honeymoon it's what he did to me (except we were both single), he seemed like the MOST amazing, attentive, affectionate and patient person....I felt so lucky. What I fool I was...

Ok well this is not good. The man you thought he was doesn't exist. If you had been a fly on the wall through his conversations with the ow you would not have recognised yourself and your relationship. You were 'more like brother and sister' and he saved you from your sbusive ex but he only stayed because he felt sorry for you. And on and on. The shit they say in this stage is not pretty.

You HAVE to crawl over broken glass to get a proper career. That pays real money. You HAVE to find a way to get and afford appropriate childcare for your child so you can work. Otherwise your whole life will be at the mercy of men like this.

In the meantime fuck him. He's using his power over you - he pays the rent so if it's private you have to move out. If you end up living there together focus on nothing else but how you are going to get a very well paying job. It won't be at first but something that has potential.

I am so sorry to read this, it must be heartbreaking especially with an SEN child. These guys are out in our society preying on us, the vulnerable women. They blast in saying all the right things, the patience, the understanding and oh how loved do we feel? Then they get bored after the honeymoon period, get their head turned and completely re write our lives. When it happened to me I was astonished at the new story of our life together. It did not fit with what actually happened. I had enough strength to show mine the door....he lied to me about having another woman but I found out pretty quickly that he did. I, too had the tears and regrets but only after I completely blanked him for nearly a year. I never took him back despite his protestations of mid life crisis. He still contacts me every month after 6 years apart now. You now need to step up, look for a better job. Learn that if you are love-bombed at the beginning you need to run away as fast as possible. Its going to take a while to steady yourself and its going to be a tough ride until you get out permanently and he will probably be with his OW. I can guarantee he has told her a bunch of lies to get her close. She is now the victim of this man as you were in the beginning. You will hurt for some time but you must not do the 'pick me' dance. You must stand with dignity and show him the door. You must try and sort out a place to live soon or work towards paying your way in the place you have now with help from family if you can. He is not the man you thought he was and that will be so hard to come to terms with. Good luck xx

What an arsehole.

Do you get Disability Living Allowance for your DC's care? Have you asked the council for an assessment of hs needs and whether they might provide some care too?

You will be entitled to some help towards your housing costs etc, childcare costs too I expect. There are online calculators to help work out what you're entitled to.

Lots of women do live with DC with disabilities- you know you don't need a man. xxx

@litterbird, excellent post.

Op, you are not alone, some of us have been there and know how it feels to have your "soulmate" turn on you. He will do the same to OW. Don't feel bad for being conned, these types are highly manipulative and seek out trusting partners. You will learn from this and rebuild.

What was your housing situation last year before you moved in with him?

Did you have counselling after your abusive relationship. Given your history it’s not uncommon to be future faked by someone who appears to be the opposite of your abusive Ex.

You will get through this (because you have no choice) but counselling would be a good investment for the future.