What have you learnt about seduction

[Lanvinsour]

I’ve been reading a lot about Michael Hutchence and Paula Yates recently (currently ill in bed so clicking from one thing to the next.) a few journalists / bloggers comment that he left Helena Christensen who he was very in love with, for Paula and he was overwhelmingly attracted to Paula’s sheer self-confidence / shutzpah / independence/ brazenness.

I often fall into the trap in my relationships where I constantly seek reassurance and try to please. If things start to slip I become needy and underconfident and nervous and I start making the man the superior one and me the inferior one.

I know this is not universal and I wondered what sort of qualities you heard of women having or have yourself which earn respect and attraction or make you a seducer or a Mankiller.

Interested in anecdotes, celebrities and lessons learned.

Well who would you rather be now, of that trio?

I don’t think this is a healthy coping mechanism. Just deal with your low self esteem, you don’t have to emulate Casanova.

He obviously wasn't that in love with Helena.

I don't like the narrative of man-killer/femme fatale - it's pretty misogynistic, really.

earn respect and attraction or make you a seducer or a Mankiller

This is just a different way of centering on men and their wishes, being what they want, just a supposedly fiestier act but still a performance despite that. You probably wouldn't be able to keep it up either if it's not how you naturally are.

Paula Yates killed herself/OD'd, Hutchence committed suicide too. They're not aspirational, no matter how sexy she was.

And are you trying to win over a married man?

I suggest mostly forgetting about men in terms of your personality, activities etc . The most attractive women (or at least the happiest) are living their own lives and men are just a bonus/something they happen to have.

There's some great photos of Paula at a party with Bob Geldof from the early years, she does just sparkle and he clearly cannot keep his admiration hidden.
She looks like she is just so happy in her own skin, so happy to be her, that the world is an amazing thing. If men like her, so what! If they don't, so what!
Confidence and giving yourself some worth is how it looks.
She had a great burgeoning career when they were taken too.
Be brave and who cares about the approval of men (or women). The one's who are most worth it will give it when you least ask for it.

Fine wines
Chocolate
Flowers

You cant be sexy without being happy with yourself. It's an inner calm, confident with what you have, despite the lumps and bumps and showing that you're happy with who you are.

I'm not sure Paula Yates was that independent! She was always throwing herself at men when she was younger, didnt seem to be able to not be on her own for five minutes. She certainly was brazen though and definitely had an agenda of finding a celebrity boyfriend. She tried her luck with Bono but he turned her down so she went for Bob.
Also please dont try to model yourself on someone else, especially a dead minor celebrity who was clearly majorly flawed - you have your own brand of special.
There is a saying that you are only as needy as your unmet needs - in other words you just haven't met yet the man who can quiet your insecurities.

I think it more likely that he was a man who got bored easily and had poor impulse control, so was unusually available to any woman that attracted him in a sexual way.

Its simply that most women don't have to try that hard, or cant be bothered. Women who throw themselves at men on a regular basis will have to put up with a lot of rejection and bear in mind the type of man likely to fall for it will quite likely also be the type of man to fall for any other woman who tries the same thing on him.

And also dont forget that Michael Hutchence didnt want to be with Paula anymore during the lead up to his death and was cheating on her!

He was a bloke and first tried it on when she was presenting "The Tube" and obviously pregnant - she wasn't a Siren, just one of those women that need to be validated by f men - she was a Groupie - read Bob Geldof's autobiography if you're that invested.

I personally saw her all over that idiot from "Curiosity Killed the Cat" Ben (can't be arsed to Google) and being enthusiastically groped by a more famous person; she was still married at both times.

This fascinates me too, the guy I've been on a few dates with still seems smitten by a women he first met two years ago and then hooked up with again over lockdown, she reeled him in then dropped him and he's still upset by it, she has now got back in touch and he's obviously flattered. He says I'm kind and lovely but clearly that's not enough !! He told me he liked her because she was 'crazy and wild'.

OFFS; you've got a convenient hole - have some fucking respect for yourself and don't compete against this probably non-existent person. He's probably gone t'interweb 101 and found those weird classes on how to reel women in - reverse compliments??

It's been my experience that a lot of people will stay in a relationship with a partner who they don't really click with, but have fantastic sex with.

OP, I would suggest therapy to work on your self-esteem, not reading stories of dimwit celebrities‘ amours and needless deaths as some kind of template for your own life.@SoulofanAggron is quite right, you’re completely focused still on what men want. Forget clichés about the femme fatale, focus on your poor self-esteem and neediness in relationships.

I take the opinion, yep he's fucking lucky to have me.

Dear me, so many posters not even trying to answer the question!

Have all of you never seduced anyone? Have all of you never flirted? Did you just passively wait to be "picked" by the men/women in your lives? Never doing a thing to catch or keep their interest?

Seduction is a fine balance of confidence, approachability, and mystery. I'm talking about seduction of the mind.
Having a nice body helps (in particular, a friendly pretty face), especially to first get someone's attention. But what's behind these lovely eyes is what will make them stay. Or run. Or (sadly, if the other party happens to be an abuser who preys on vulnerability) treat you like a doormat or worse.

Seduction is a language, but they don't teach it at school (not in class, at least...). It uses words, and voice tone, and loads of body language. In a way it's acting, though to some people this comes naturally. I'm sure it can be learnt and practiced, but it remains very hard to perform if you're low on self confidence, so I really wouldn’t recommend it. That's how you'll make a fool of yourself.
Always boost your confidence first. You can fake it till you make it, but that alone takes confidence already. You've got to believe (for a while, at least) that you can be that irresistible charming person you're pretending to be.

Think about... A job interview. It is a form of seduction, only non sexual (hopefully!!!). You want to create a certain image of you in someone's head. You want them to want you. You don't come begging. You come flaunting your assets, and promising more. You need to believe you are desirable in order to do that effectively.

To sum up:

1. boost your confidence (some steps to achieve this: shut out negative hostile voices, listen to positive friendly voices. And do things that make you proud of yourself. Any thing, doesn’t matter what. Cultivate an internal sense of achievement, built on things you have control over, not other people's opinion of you!)

2. Know what you want. To be desirable, there needs to be something you desire. A dream to keep you going. Something to give you that nudge, to enter the fantasy world of seduction.

3. Observe attractive people. The truly fascinating ones. Could be characters in a movie. Actors are good at seduction, so learn from them. Can be male or female, doesn't matter. The movie plot could be dumb as fuck, the dialogs completely lame, the important thing is body language. Is there "alchemy" on screen? Maybe try and study that.
   Then forget all about it (you don't want to "ape" someone else's technique)
   Then try to reimagine what a seductive you could be like. Picture them in your mind. Get to know them. Then go got it!
   Fake it till you make it.

4. Remember it's a game. It is acting. Not a lie, but a performance.
   A bit like Father Christmas. It's meant to be good fun. An indulgent, narcissistic dream, meant to give you and your audience pleasure.
   Don't get too drunk on its power. Stay real.

Yup, true. I don't understand the original question @Kaiserin; doesn't the OP basically infer she wants to compete - under the title of seduction - against her boyfriend's (probably mythical) ex?

How difficult is it to 'seduce' a bloke? Just ensure you're prepared to demean yourself for a hit it and run episode - unless your fanny is covered in Unicorn dust.

Most blokes will go for anything offered up on a plate; carry on biting your lip a la "50 Shades of Grey", twirling hair and batting eyelashes. Only thing bloke will think of is I've getting a semi - perhaps I can back to hers in time to do the deed and watch MotD before getting back to Mums in time for Sunday brekkie.