Handhold please **TW sexual abuse**

[ogbbyfrog]

Hi

Hoping to hear from anyone who has to still see their rapist and how you cope with it please?

The background is it's an ex who raped me several times and was otherwise abusive. For various reasons I still have to see him from time to time and people I know often mention him to me due to mutual friends.

Feeling a bit alone with at all and would be grateful for tips on how to manage it better when I do see him / hear about him

Thanks x

Hi OP. Yes I have experience of this because mine was a relative. It’s awful. I never told anyone at the time and I still haven’t. At the time it happened (25ish years ago) I was in drink and I stupidly blamed myself. I don’t want to bring it all up now in the family. He’s moved a very long way away so I don’t have to see him much.
The last time was at a hospital when another elderly relative was dying. I wanted to go desperately to say goodbye but I knew he was there.
I went anyway. I didn’t speak to him. I didn’t look at him. He was uncomfortable. I actually felt empowered by it. He knew what he’d done. I knew what he’d done.
Now the elderly relative died I don’t think I’ll ever see him again hopefully.
I just dealt with it generally by ignoring him. My stomach used to be in knots especially because my family don’t know and they spoke to him as normal. It’s very hard. I hope you don’t have to see him very often.

I don't have any advice but didn't want to read and run - really sorry you're having to go through this OP, I hope more helpful advice comes your way shortly

Hi OP. That sounds so tough to deal with and I can't imagine how difficult it must be. Have you tried counselling to perhaps give you some coping strategies? If not, then can you avoid as much as possible. For those people mentioning him, you could say to please not bring up his name in front of you. You dont need to explain why.

Hi

Thanks for the replies I'm really grateful.

I did have counselling to deal with PTSD but I didn't really get into the aftermath so I think I will have some more as I'm not coping well now.

I have told my closest friends so they know not to mention him but I can't really tell anymore people for fear of what he will do.

He is a family member of a very close friend which complicates things I can mostly avoid him but obviously my friend can't do it's difficult for both of us.

Thanks again for the responses it helps to feel less alone with jt all

@Aminuts23

Hi OP. Yes I have experience of this because mine was a relative. It’s awful. I never told anyone at the time and I still haven’t. At the time it happened (25ish years ago) I was in drink and I stupidly blamed myself. I don’t want to bring it all up now in the family. He’s moved a very long way away so I don’t have to see him much. The last time was at a hospital when another elderly relative was dying. I wanted to go desperately to say goodbye but I knew he was there. I went anyway. I didn’t speak to him. I didn’t look at him. He was uncomfortable. I actually felt empowered by it. He knew what he’d done. I knew what he’d done. Now the elderly relative died I don’t think I’ll ever see him again hopefully. I just dealt with it generally by ignoring him. My stomach used to be in knots especially because my family don’t know and they spoke to him as normal. It’s very hard. I hope you don’t have to see him very often.

Thanks for your response and I'm so sorry to hear of what you've gone through. I know I find one of the hardest things is everyone else acting so normal with him so I can imagine how tough that must have been for you. I truly hope you don't ever have to see him again