Hi all. I hope this post isn't too much of a bother as I would say its more of a vent to ease my mind but any support is very welcome right now.
I'm 19, my ex is 24. I have an almost 3 month old baby. So kind of a ride of a start to begin with anyway, please no comments on the ages. I just broke up with him this morning and asked him to leave our flat as I was fed up with the way he treated me. The relationship had hardly any affection, no kissing, hugging, even talking some days and he had a very grumpy negative attitude constantly. Being pregnant was definitely the most lonely days of my life. He always chose porn over me and our sex life died as well as my esteem, he told me today that the reason he was never affectionate was because he hated me and I'm "evil". Even when we did have sex i wasnt allow to look, speak, kiss, and only he got to climax. I am quite feisty i will admit but i always tried my hardest again and again to grit my teeth, talk to him about why I was unhappy with everything and fix it. He would change for a week or so then back to the loneliness. I'm really down about it all because i was desperate for my daughter to have a loving family, my parents were divorced and I hated the travelling back and forth and always wondered what a happy family was like and how nice it must be. The fact that now she will have to do the same and i wont see her some days breaks my heart. Despite our relationship falling apart i will never deny he is fantastic with her, an amazing dad. But he is also an avid weed smoker, daily, and part of me wants to use that as a reason if it ever became a legal fight for her for me to stay with her admittedly.
I don't know. Everything has changed now permanently and I find myself doubting what I've done even though I was so unhappy and felt so unloved. I just hope I can keep composed for my daughter, i love her so much.