Mutual child meeting places?

[Stargazer2404]

Hi

The court has ordered for me to be present during child visits up until a bond has been established between son and ex

He is 2 .. doesnt speak yet, and cries for the entire time we are there even when im right next to him.

In the past we have gone to parks etc but the agreement says 2 hours contact fortnightly. We dont get very far with the 2 hours thing because ex gets fed up of the crying and says 'maybe we should make a move now', he now doesnt want to go to parks anymore because hes saying its too cold for DS to be out that long especially if hes just crying the whole time and the weather is going to get worse too which i agree with

We cant go to his house because they live in a shared house and hes got 1 bedroom and hes said thats not an option

He doesnt want to come to where we live because hes saying he doesnt want to drive an hour here and an hour back

I just dont know where else we can go. I know once DS is ok with ex, it will be fine for me to leavr him but right now its an issue

We have also gone to a restaurant for lunch but again, DS wont eat..will cry the whole time

Sorry if this is all silly. Ive never been in this situation, just running out of ideas and dont know where else we can go

He can’t be arsed to drive an hour to see his son in an environment where he will be more happy and comfortable? What the hell Is wrong with him?

And it doesn’t bode well that he gets fed up of his crying. What would he do if you weren’t there to sort it out or take him home? Would he be calling you back after an hour?

Is he even that bothered? He should be moving heaven and earth to build a bond with his child.

To be honest, I’d be putting my foot down and saying he needs to travel to you to see Ds in his home where he will feel secure. You’ll get nowhere with ds being distressed. To build a bond with his dad he needs to feel happy and secure in the place where it’s happening, he’s clearly not at the moment.

Agree with others. Make sure you email or text him so you have a record of it- offer your house as a meeting place and if he chooses not to show up he is choosing not to see his son. I can’t see that a relationship with this terrible father is within your son’s best interests.

If you're there, why is he crying? Is he like that with others?

why is your son crying?
is he makingno effort with him? distracting him?
keep a diary too-essential

Does the plan have a gradual increase at some stage? Once a fortnight contact won't do much to build a bond even if your DS isnt distressed.

I'd put it back on him. Email or text and say something like, "In order to build a bond DS needs a place of contact he feels comfortable in. Unless you can find an alternative indoor venue where he feels secure I feel its in DS best interest and gives the best chance of a bond forming for contact to occur in DS home." if he responds by phone to say he won't reply by email or text. "Given your earlier stated refusal to see DS in his home where he feels secure and safe you need to find an alternative venue that keeps in mind DS needs and best interests, otherwise DS will be at his home for contact on x date and x time." Put it back on him. Any caring worthwhile parent would happily drive an hour to see his child where his child feels safe and happy.

Why does DS cry when you are with him? Does he cry when your ex is not there?

I imagine he is crying cos he has had to drive for an hour at a time of day that doesn’t fit his routine, and whilst OP is there, she is stepping back to let her ex try and build this bond.

Why not try something like soft play, where the kid will be distracted and happy? Dad can take him round the play frame, you can get a coffee and relax.

Pick somewhere in the middle/closer to you. Dad needs to make the effort, worth it in the long run (probably won’t be necessary forever).

Is he teething or just miserable with a stranger?
I would offer your house but is he making it difficult to be a difficult person for a reason
So like advised email or text and save it
Suggestions like a soft play or a
Library, a mall with plenty of distractions?
I wouldn't have someone dictating to much when most dads bite the bullet and meet half way with arrangements
Try get your child visited in times of day that suit sleep and feeds but accepting a child's behaviour is the hard part of being a dad- could he not bring a toy for him to make a bonding over or you can pass to him to break the ice type of thing.

Stop trying to accommodate this rest. If he doesn’t want to make the effort, then he needs to wasting you and your sons time. It isn’t your job to find solutions for his inadequacy.