"You Look Sexy"

[IncandescentSilver]

Ventured into online dating again, mainly because of lockdown making normal meeting and socialising impossible.

Still can't get anywhere with it. What is it with these men who seem fairly decent, good jobs, spelling OK, who very quickly start making comments like "You Look sexy"? Generally followed by asking "have you got any more pics". I have plenty of photos showing quire clearly what I look like, so it's obviously going to start duwn the lines of either sex talk or asking for "sexy pics", both of which I would never do, especially with a stranger on the Internet!

How is "you look sexy" even a compliment, unless you are a sex worker or very promiscuous?

None of them can even hold a normal conversation.

Then there's the ones who when you give them your number for WhatsApp, message non stop. 6am, you get a message asking how you are. Midnight, they're still bravely messaging away but saying nothing interesting. Then when you decide to grit your teeth and stick it out just to get you out there again and suggest meeting up for a socially distanced coffee or walk in the park, never hear from them again? I suppose its a good way to make the endless, inane, messages stop! One of those ones told me he couldn't meet me in the park because it was too cloudy and might rain, another told me he was too scared to use public transport right now due to Covid and couldn't get to the park because he didn't have a car!

I did manage to meet one guy for coffee, he was OK, and then he started sending me messages about how he was playing with himself so I just ignored him after that.

incandescent I'm in a northern seaside town, DH was in a northern city about an hour away from me.

And its just that every single man I contact on OLD is either flaky or creepy and sleazy.

I encountered quite a few oddballs and sex seekers when I tried old (mostly pof) but there were a couple who weren't. Perhaps persevere or try different platforms (?)

Don't give them your number - if/when things go bad, there are more ways of having to block them than just through WhatsApp. As much as I feel slightly embarrassed about having Kik at the age of 41, it is a way of communicating with guys without having to give them your "real" details, and you can block easily if you need to.

As for men turning sleazy/flaky within the space of a few messages, yeah, that's been my experience on all of the OLD sites I've been on. Doesn't matter if they're free or paid sites, you often see the same old faces on all of them. I honestly think it's sheer luck as to whether you manage to find a decent one or not. Normal, non-creepy men are such a rarity on OLD that they won't be on there for very long before they get "snapped up".

I haven't had any luck myself but I do have friends who found their spouses on Match and POF. They seemed to be successful by adopting a scatter shot approach and going on as many dates as possible, paying more attention to the bio than the pictures, and being ruthless about saying no to a second date with people they didn't have a spark with. Blocking men the instant they start sending dick pics or trying to sext you goes without saying 😁

Jimmy I think you're right about how to find a decent one. It's a numbers game.

My feeling is that you need to either come at it with the attitude 'I'll have a bit of fun and see what happens' or 'I'm going to treat it like a full on project' as you describe.

If you go in unsure of what you want but with high expectations you're likely to be disappointed

I think they jump to the sex talk/asking for more pics because they want to know asap if you are up for that. If not they can move on to someone else pronto.

It really is, as said, an indicator of what they are up for. A man that actually wants to get to know you will not ruin his chances by being a sleaze.

I have a theory about the whole getting innapropriate very quickly thing...

You know when you receive scam emails and they are often really obvious scams (e.g. they start ''dear beloved customer' or have loads of spelling mistakes). Apparently thats not the scammers being dumb. Its a deliberate strategy to filter out the people the most at risk of being scammed - people who are technically illiterate, actually illiterate, have learning disabilities or dementia etc etc. Because the same people who fall for the initial email will be the same people likely to send money/personal details when asked.

In exactly the same day I think sending out the same disrespectful/creepy message to hundreds maybe thousands of women on tinder is a phishing exercise for anyone who is vulnerable enough in that moment not to block them and move on. They are the same people who are most lilely to be persuaded to send nudes pictures/engage in phone sex/meetup and be murdered in a deserted alleyway etc.. Which is truly horrible but worth bearing in mind when dealing with these messages.

*way not day

Personally I don’t get the obsession with dating and relationships. I’ve had enough of them. They virtually always turn into boring bastards anyway. Wait til you get older and dating. It gets even worse.

Use it as a way to weed out the time wasters from the start.

If they start the interaction by focusing only on comments about your appearance and how 'sexy' you are and ask for more pictures when already have a perfectly good online profile, end the conversation immediately.

Never give your whatsapp details to someone you have not met, just insist you want to use the online dating platform to communicate until you have met.

As a rule I found that those who bombard you with inane messages that never go anywhere (no effort to set up a date) for a few days are all time wasters.

A decent guy who really wants to meet and set up a date will do so after exchange a few messages.

Many are not single, have lied in their profile or are only online for an ego boost or to find casual sex.

I stopped OLD because I was staggered by the low quality of men on these sites. Receiving endless sexual messages and insults when I replied that was not what I was looking for and the general immaturity.

It made me wonder how so many men can be totally clueless about flirting, relationships and life in general and rather depressed about the way they view women. Very unpleasant experience.