End of an era

[Mamadothe]

My DH cheated last year. It was very brief. We’d had a crap few years prior (not excusing his behaviour). I forgave him and we tried again.
He’s being up and down most of the year, distant one minute, all in the next.
My mental health has suffered as a result. I found myself just consumed by him and what was happening with us.
I’ve known deep down that there was no future for us and he has too. I think we’ve just held on, him because he didn’t want to hurt me and me because I just can’t imagine him not in my life.
He’s finally told me he can’t do this anymore.
I feel sad, not going to lie. But I also feel relief. Relief that I can finally move on after a hell of a year.
I don’t hate him. He’s not a bad person. He made a mistake last year but I did forgive him. But he can’t give me what I want.

I mourn what could have being but also look forward to focussing on my future. I think it will be hard to get used to not seeing him all the time again but I did it before and I can do it again.
It’ll be quite nice to stop scouring mumsnet relationship board 24/7 looking for posts that make me believe we shall get back together and it’ll be all ok 😂

Has anyone else being in this situation?

I know what you mean re scouring the relationship board as you try to find a route. I think I spent 3+ years doing what you mention which seems a crazy amount of time looking back, then some time in couples counselling with ex, then time thinking to myself and building up the courage to end it, helped by quite different threads on Mumsnet. I didn't experienced unfaithfulness but now I think about it there was no real commitment to me and him ensuring my life was the best it could be, or even good! It was definitely a relationship that was dead in the water and one where he was gaining the easy life and I was increasingly ground down by more and more being loaded on me. 9 months on from ending it, extended by lockdown, I am so so much happier having regained my freedom and independence and living life without the burden that really was him, and I realise how much I was carrying before. Sending you 💐- I hope this is the beginning of a lighter and happier time for you.

I'm with you OP
ExP cheated last year, I tried to move on from it but I gave up 2 months ago.
Like you, I mourned what could have been.
It is difficult adjusting to a new life without them in it but it gets easier.
I've busied myself with a new hobby and I am retraining in something I have always wanted to do and I'm excited about the future and not dwelling on the past anymore.
My life would have continued to be miserable had I stayed.

I completely understand how you feel when you say you were totally consumed by him and what was happening to you. I was in the same position. I could barely breathe, I lost my appetite, could barely function at work and home, I was a walking zombie. I seriously did not think I would survive. I shudder at the state of my mental health.

It seems you are relieved at not having to work at your marriage. Unless someone has experienced infidelity they cannot understand the sheer exhaustion and daily commitment you make.

I too became obsessed with mumsnet and other forums for stories of women who overcame infidelity. I was desperate for hope and hated dh for putting me in a place of despair.