I've been friends with a girl, as part of a wider friendship group, for many years. I've always adored her as a friend, but - not for the first time - I'm finding myself having feelings towards her that are much stronger than friendship. I've been spending more time with her recently, including regular afternoons where it's just the two of us, and I genuinely can't stop thinking about her - the new lockdown rules make it harder to see her I would think, and that thought makes me so sad.
The only issue is, I don't know if my feelings can be put down to other factors, too - I've been at a fairly low ebb recently, what with, you know, the state of the world, and my own employment situation. Further, she's more or less the only female friend that I see on a regular basis, so sometimes I wonder whether my feelings are part projection on my part, too - do I want her, or someone like her?
It's got to the point, though, where I'm properly acting like a lovesick teen. Random example - she'd mentioned she was going to the hairdressers for a cut and colour. Next time I saw her, I complimented her on her hair (I wasn't actually that convinced it looked much different to normal, but I thought she was going to the salon in the days before we met). She said that she hadn't actually been yet! Days later, and I realise it's probably really insignificant to her, but I keep thinking about it in embarrassment: I guess in some ways it could be seen as a compliment, as her hair does always looks nice to me, but it could also be seen as a bit of an insult, too - that I thought that's what her hair looked like after she'd had it done. Plus, it looks like I was just paying the compliment as I felt it was the right thing to do, not because I genuinely meant it or noticed the difference in her hair. Am I right to be embarrassed? I feel that when I next see her, complimenting her hair would now be awkward, even if I was being totally genuine. Would it be the sort of thing she wouldn't even have thought about five minutes later, or is my embarrassment justified?
Bit sidetracked there - but it shows how all-encompassing my thoughts are about her right now. Any advice on what I should do? I suspect she doesn't see me in any kind of romantic way (there are certain reasons I think that, plus my natural pessimism I guess), so it would be best not to say anything I guess? But, equally, not saying anything is also painful. Spending time with her is really bittersweet - I love that time, and it's always purely as a friend (and I don't have other thoughts while I'm with her), but after the event, my mind always wanders and I think about what more it could be (even if, deep down, I don't think it's realistic).
All advice and personal experiences welcome. Thanks.