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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I say something to stbxh

6 replies

moolady1977 · 15/10/2020 20:07

Talking with my ddil today and she was saying my stbxh was on dating sites and talking to some women from America she knows this because he has shown her ,she has told him to be careful as lots of it looks like scammers .
He was with my youngest son and was going to give a lift to my ohs ex wife but my son said no she would see it as a way in and bleed him dry (she has done this with my oh and we are still paying the bills for it ) .
He has also started talking to a woman from some refuge flats she has told him all about her boyfriend (not exboyfriend) said he is nasty and violent and is always wanting and taking money from her , his first wife was from a women's refuge and took him for a ride money and house wise so I don't want to see him going through the same thing again
No I'm not jealous he is talking to women but I do worry that they see he is in a big four bedroomed house with a 20 plate car and always has money on him and that's all they are actually interested in as he can be soft and want to do his best to help if he can .
Like I say I'm not jealous I'm happy where I am and who I'm with but I don't want to see him get hurt or used ,as it is the house isn't his ,the car isn't his and the money is from benefits that my son gets so in all reality he has none of them but to the outside he looks well off ,do I say something and risk him thinking I'm jealous or not wanting him to be happy or do I keep quiet and hope he sees what could happen if he persues things , any advice would be great

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 15/10/2020 21:04

It's well known that some people on dating websites aren't who they say they are and I'm sure that your STBXH is aware of it too.

SandyY2K · 15/10/2020 23:42

If people were aware, there wouldn't be so many who are fooled and catfished.

OP...I think it's best coming from your DC to him.

RantyAnty · 16/10/2020 00:02

I don't quite understand.

Whose house and car is it? Why is he getting your son's benefits?

Why are you paying your boyfriend's debts?

NiceandCalm · 16/10/2020 07:01

If the 4 bed house isn't his, is it a rented or social house? How come he has a 20 plate car? How come he has all the child benefits? Is he classed as 'vulnerable' in some way? Are there any shared assets? If so, then yes you probably should be worried but otherwise I'd stay out of it.

moolady1977 · 17/10/2020 08:11

The house is my childrens house that was left to them by their uncle the car is a mobility car and he gets the benefits because the children live with him ,he lives in the house because our youngest is only 16 . He isn't classed as vulnerable as such but it just worries me that he could be took for a mug with a sob story as the last time he tried online dating he met someone they were messaging he sent her flowers then came the ' I have a huge bill ' he luckily managed to dodge that one as they arranged for him to go and stay with her then she asked for a picture which he sent and then she came out with she didn't think a long distance thing would work and they should be friends and then blocked him which affected him more than he said . He still takes notice of what I say as 2 year ago he was seriously ill so I told him him what would happen if he didn't go to the hospital and he has since thanked me for it . He isn't great looking is very overweight and has bad health but has a huge heart and I don't want to see him get hurt

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/10/2020 08:40

You are far too involved in this. You must step back. He is an adult and can make his own mistakes. You no longer have to parent him.

Tell your son's wife that you're not interested in hearing about your ex's love life, because it's weird.

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