Contact out of the blue from ex friend

[Jammymare]

I was blocked and ghosted by a very close friend 2 years ago now. I found out that she had secretly befriended the woman my ex had a two year affair after they continued their relationship, and following advice on here I let her know how hurtful it was as I didn’t want the feelings to fester and ruin our friendship. I wasn’t prepared for her reaction and the drama that followed which resulted in her badmouthing me to our mutual friends and blocking me etc. At the time, I found this more upsetting and more of a betrayal than discovering my ex’s affair the year before!
A mutual friend saw her today and let her know I’d been in a nasty accident. An hour later I have a message on Facebook from her saying how sorry she was to hear about my accident.
At this stage I’m inclined to ignore the message. I’ve had lots of good news this year that she will have known about so why is she waiting for the bad news to offer an olive branch?
On the other hand am I being a petty cow for ignoring her?
What would you do, reply or ignore?

This character:

• sought out a secret friendship with the OW in your life.

• Kicked off like a loon when you brought up with her how this made you feel

• that wasn’t enough she then went on a personal smear campaign with your friends

• then she blocked you for 2 years

• then she makes contact with zero acknowledgement of what has happened.

She sounds quite unhinged, flouncing around in a vindictive rage against you just because you expressed your feelings. Quite the Narc fragile ego.

She is volatile, emotionally unregulated, deluded and a drama lama.

Keep well away. Ignore and block. You are quite vulnerable if you are unwell and you don’t need to be on the back foot wondering what manipulative manoeuvre she is playing at. She can’t be trusted.

Know your worth. She doesn’t deserve you. And doesn’t deserve your headspace or time which you should reserve for the kind people in your life.

I would also block - because ignoring someone like this will trigger another attack.

100% ignore. She's not worth your time or headspace.

My best friend ghosted me. We were as close as sisters. No closer even. After decades she just stopped. Cut me off. Stopped replying. After a year or so she texted me out the blue. I replied asking who this was. (I knew but wasn't giving her the satisfaction of knowing I never deleted her.) I gave her a chance. We chatted for a month or so then.... nada. Ghosted again.

Another year and a half later, she texted again. (Cue "new fone who dis?") I gave her another chance. We talked for a few weeks this time then I assume whatever was bugging her got solved (probably got back with a boyfriend or something) and poof! Gone again.

Now I delete without answering. I'll sometimes get a message wanting to get back in touch/apologise but I put it down to her having a few too many wines and getting temporarily nostalgic.

Don't do what I did. Your friend is a nasty piece of work so don't let her back in. You'll just get hurt again.

Ignore. I think it's hard to be friends with people you can't trust, and she is clearly untrustworthy in multiple ways.

I'm sorry about your accident, wishing you good health and a speedy recovery.

Thanks all, I’ve left the message unread and muted the conversation, feel it’s easier at this stage to ignore her rather than block as she unfriended me on all social media anyway.

Sounds like she's only interested in the drama that bad news brings. She won't congratulate you on any of your good news as this isn't 'drama'

Delete and block. I'd read the message before you do though, so she's under no illusion that you want fuck all to do with her.

That’s a good decision. But be aware that she will be triggered by your silence and as a drama llama likely up the ante - with another approach through another medium which might be nasty? Just be ready for it and decide ahead what you will do.

Ignore. She just wants the goss.

Sounds like an emotional vampire. Just loves the drama

My BFF ghosted me, she was my only friend, she told other people that I was after her BF and that I'd drugged her (she was actually really drunk not drugged by me) so that I could get it on with her BF.
I was devastated by her betrayal and the loss of her friendship.
Her BF actually turned up at my house a couple of times, I think he fancied me not the other way round.
Fast forward 25yrs she came up to me in a shop, 1st time I'd seen her since and asked me how I was.
I was taken unawares, answered politely and left.
She contacted me on SM that nigh to explain her point of view and apologised, I answered her and explained my point of view and that it was all so long ago that its water under the bridge.
We are now friends on SM but that's it, I don't want any further involvement.
As for you, I'd delete the message and forget about it, she's no friend to you

@Jayaywhynot - what a shocking story. Sadly the only outcome I see out of this is that she managed to absolve herself of guilt but in doing so has burdened you with an unwanted SM friend. I am glad that you got to have your say - but don’t think that you should feel obligated to be polite and leave her as a SM “friend” - for her benefit only so all your old friends can see.

She treated you atrociously and criminally - accusing you of drugging her, a smear campaign amongst your friends, ghosting you - that’s a lot of unhinged and sustained emotional violence. She sounds dangerous.

@MikeUniformMike

Ignore. She probably did it to make herself look caring, not because she cares about you.

This. She doesn’t want to look bad in front of your other friend, so this way she can act all kind and caring. Fuck that! Don’t respond. Just block.

I had similar from my two sisters after my husband died. They can go fuck themselves too. If your not good enough to treat decently when you’re in good health, then they have no right to try to get back into your life when things go wrong.

I recently sent a message of condolence to an ex friend who lost a parent. I heard about it via a friend of a friend.

I wasn't offering an olive branch, or wanting to re-start our old friendship, or sorry about anything I might have done or she might have done. I was just genuinely sad to hear her parent had died and that is all so I let her know. She replied thanking me for the text and that was that.

So, maybe she has no agenda and you are over-thinking. I think the dignified thing to do would be to say "Thank you for the message, everything is fine now" and leave it at that.

@Chicchicchicchiclana

I recently sent a message of condolence to an ex friend who lost a parent. I heard about it via a friend of a friend.

I wasn't offering an olive branch, or wanting to re-start our old friendship, or sorry about anything I might have done or she might have done. I was just genuinely sad to hear her parent had died and that is all so I let her know. She replied thanking me for the text and that was that.

So, maybe she has no agenda and you are over-thinking. I think the dignified thing to do would be to say "Thank you for the message, everything is fine now" and leave it at that.

No. She doesn’t owe her ex friend any reply.