Stonewalled after argument

[SilentSadness]

Last night I had an argument with my DH and he’s now not talking to me and I just really don’t know how best to tackle this.

Arguments have been increasing in frequency and they almost always take me by surprise (I don’t see it coming and his mood seems to shift like a switch) and I am always the party at fault. Always, and I’m just beginning to wonder if I really am that terrible of a partner that I make him THIS unhappy?

Has anyone dealt with a severe case of silent treatment after an argument and managed to break through? If so, do you have any tips on how to start a conversation and engage again?

I feel like I try really hard to work on my behaviours after an argument but still feel like I can’t do anything right and I’m having a really hard time expressing how I feel because I think it’ll make it worse. On the flip side he tells me I confuse him and he feels like he can’t do anything right... how do we get past this when we are both feeling this way?

I apologise and acknowledge this isn’t the most concise post but I’m just really sad and don’t feel like I can speak to anyone in real life about it.

You were trying to facilitate what he wanted. You could have stripped naked and danced for him and it STILL would have been wrong. This isn’t about the chickens or dinner or any of that. You know that right? This is about control. I’m guessing you aren’t working and he is? Am I right? If I am then this is probably about a) his inner frustration at being tied down to you and child b) him losing respect for you due to you not working c) him wanting his own way being The King of the house d) lack of sex/attention. If you aren’t having sex then it’s probably mostly d. Sadly that’s the way they work. Does any of that hit the mark? Did you used to fuss around him before your child came along? He’s nit picking in a childish way because it gets your attention right?

Sort of feels like I live a double life keeping this side of our relationship so secret?

I really regret being so loyal to my ex and not telling anyone what he was doing. It was such a shock to my family when I told them (some of) what he'd done to me. As Username501 said, this bullying behaviour thrives in secrecy.

It's a shock when you first learn what this confusing and upsetting behaviour actually is, it can make you feel even worse than you do already because this is the man who is supposed to love you above all others. You have a plan though, it's always good to have a plan. It'll all seem very daunting at this stage but you will come out the other side a much happier woman

Newwoman2017 do you feel you could start your own thread for a bit of support? You don't need to go through this on your own

There is something behind this. He is finding fault for the sake of it. It's not miscommunication it's just an attempt to confuse and wrong foot you.

Sorry to hear about this. If there's a communication problem, it's a two way street. I could have written some of this.

Therapy helps. I also found building my self esteem, which helps me to stand up for myself in the moment.

Yes, shouldering some blame can be the right thing to do sometimes but also, yeah, he also shares some blame here. You are not ever fully guilty most times and rarely is the other party fully guilty of causing problems either.

Hope you find a way to work through this.