Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Um...what? Should I be mad or let it go?

15 replies

VioletVix · 15/10/2020 04:39

So I honestly don't know how to feel about what happened and debated putting this in am I being unreasonable.
Me and my partner have been together 5 years, he has 2 kids from a previous relationship I have 3 from a previous and we now have a baby together and she is 11 weeks old.
We were tidying up in our bedroom hoovering and such, so hes moving things off the floor down his side onto the bed and he puts this box I've never seen before. I asked him what it was and he said oh it's those toys you didnt like. I give him a funny look as all the toys we have are in a purple box together under the bed and I choose and buy them and haven't had any i didn't like. So I tell him there isn't any I haven't liked and pick them up they were these vibrating things you put in your bra and underwear with like a vibrating remote? I told him I've never seen these before and he said when he got them i had got them out the box, touched them said i didnt like them so they went back in the box. He said it was right at the start of our relationship so that's why I wouldn't remember but we never used any toys till 3 years ago, nothing was brought in at the start. He answered the questions normally and didnt look like he was worried so its caught me off guard, I definitely have not seen or touched them! I left it at that as my baby needed feeding and afterwards had some other things to tend to so didnt get back round to asking about it properly. My partner isn't really the communicating type and I know if i bring it up now it's going to cause an issue and he won't want to talk or tell me I just don't remember. Would you leave it?

OP posts:
Arrivederla · 15/10/2020 05:58

No! He is lying to you! Why would you leave it - what kind of relationship is that where you just accept someone blatantly lying to your face? Confused

footprintsintheslow · 15/10/2020 07:17

I wouldn't necessarily think he's lying. I'd probably think he's muddled me up with an ex. Although why he's still got them would piss me off a bit.

I'd definitely bring it up though to get to the bottom of it.
I'd probably do some digging into his spending habits online just to be sure too.

BalloonSlayer · 15/10/2020 07:23

I would think it was his ex he bought them for and she didn't like them,
not you, and he has just forgotten.

My DH sometimes says "remember when we went to/ saw that film . . . ?" and it's something we definitely didn't do. I say, yeah that was one of your other girlfriends. We have been together 24 years!

VioletVix · 15/10/2020 11:45

@Arrivederla to save an argument I suppose incase I'm wrong and it's just from his ex. He kept a couple of things from their relationship as she literally up and ran off didnt really take anything with her.

@footprintsintheslow I know he isn't spending online as I have access to all of that and question most transactions if I dont recognise them, nothing suspicious has been bought.

@BalloonSlayer I am considering that's what he has done and just got mixed up who it was with, does it annoy you that he mixes you up with an ex?

I know he had a couple of things kept from his previous relationship but it was things he said they never used still all in packaging and untouched, or bought of his friend who was working selling them from ann summers at the time which was years ago but still while we were together so I'm really not sure how to feel about it. We had quite a rocky first year together so I end up feeling like I'll be dredging something up for nothing.

OP posts:
LilyLongJohn · 15/10/2020 11:49

You don't keep old sex toys that previous partners have used. Photos or the odd cuddly toys I kind of get, but not sex toys. Urghhh

I wouldn't, for example,use a butt plug on my dh that I'd also used on my ex bf - but maybe that's just me Grin toys I just use, on myself,on the other hand are fine.

VioletVix · 15/10/2020 12:55

@LilyLongJohn completely agree! none of the ones he kept were anything they had acrually used as far as I'm aware. They still had the sealed stickers on the boxes. It would be rather grim if they had used them and he kept them but I wouldnt use any but my own either way! It was mainly a board game type thing, some dice with raunchy suggestions, nipple clamp things, and now this box with the vibrating bra things which I've never seen before.

OP posts:
Thisisnotnormal69 · 15/10/2020 13:59

Would he have bought them online in which case there would be email confirmations etc?

LetItGoHome · 15/10/2020 14:14

Could he have brought them to use on himself? Then tried to pass them off as yours when you saw them. Especially if they are nipple related toys. Some men love nipple stimulation!

VioletVix · 15/10/2020 17:20

@LetItGoHome oh I havent thought that might be it, would make sense if he was embarrassed by it.

@Thisisnotnormal69 I have checked both emails since I saw them and cant find anything relating to them or any purchases I didnt know about.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 15/10/2020 17:23

That he bought them and then forgot to show you, maybe you said something at the time that put him off actually getting them out?

footprintsintheslow · 15/10/2020 18:07

Whatever it is I'd definitely bring it up to sort it out.

anotherdisaster · 15/10/2020 19:21

How have you not seen this box before if you live together??
I suspect there is another explanation but he has just been quick-thinking with the answer he gave you. You know its not true because it actually isn't. As for his reasons for saying it, only he knows that.
I suspect he's bought them for you both to use and changed his mind for whatever reason.

Lipz · 15/10/2020 19:30

They're either from an ex which is ick or he got them for himself, if he's into nipple clamps and has them already then it sounds more likely he got them for himself, although I'm not sure how he'd use them if they're meant to go inside a bra. Don't let him fob you off with an excuse you know isn't true.

VioletVix · 15/10/2020 20:23

Thank you for the kick up the butt to ask about it, he explained that before we got together a friend of ours was selling what stock they had left from ann summers for cheap so he bought a bundle of it to sell on. These were one of the things he just didnt sell and it ended up here as it was put away in one of the bags he used to pack his clothes into when him and his ex split. When we first started seeing each other I remember seeing a bag with all that type of stuff in and he did explain where he got it from then I just didn't see this box at the bottom. Smile

OP posts:
VioletVix · 15/10/2020 20:28

He swears I have seen them before when we redid our bedroom furniture before our daughter was born, but I for the life of me dont think I had seen them! His reason adds up as I know the friend who was selling this stuff well and often had those parties that you order the stuff from afterwards. I will be promptly throwing them away tho just incase! We have been around each other every day for a few years, all finances are joint so I would have seen if he had ordered them himself. I dont think they are for him as he has never expressed any inkling that hes into that

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page