Has anyone ever felt zero trust in men for many years and got over it?

[FlatScreenTV01]

I have male friends but I mean dating. I have been hurt, lied to and rejected so much I can't imagine ever dating again.

@FlatScreenTV01 Hi OP, I could have written your post myself. I’m in the same boat as you so no, personally I don’t think I’ll ever trust a man again as in dating and so on. I have found it so nice to be single and to find myself as it were, and I’m better for doing so. Girl we don’t need no men! You’re not on your own in feeling this way! ❤️

I have been single for 12 years. Someone told me to join a dating app and speak to men. Have fun chatting. I feel I have a real problem with men. They can't all be bad but I know none of them. Would take me seriously.

Just keep your standards high and bin them off at the first sniff or a red flag.

Yeah the having fun and chatting is a nice idea (until you have an inbox full of dusty naked mole rat snaps)
.gag.

I have trust issues, my husband of 17 years had numerous emotional affairs and i didnt trust him for 16 years.
We split 2.5 years ago and i planned to stay single forever as i dont trust men.

I'm now 1 year in to a relationship that started off as casual sex partners and developed.

I still have trust issues and he knows this, i guess i must trust him a bit otherwise i would be going stir crazy worrying about what he is doing when we arent together but i dont.

The difference between him and my husband is that he has never given me any reason to suspect anything and i have a fabulous life that doesnt need him in it to be great so I'm enjoying the moment and whatever happens I've had a whole lot of fun.

I assume over time I'll trust him more and more but who knows.

I'm lucky to have found someone who understands my trust issues and isnt fazed by them. He was also cheated on in his past 2 relationships (1 was marriage) so he definitely gets it.

As a single mum I chose to stay single for years. Partly because I didn't trust men but also because I liked being single.

I like being financially independent and quite frankly not having to negotiate with anyone else (apart from my kid )

There is no rule to this. You don't have to be in a relationship especially if you find it more comfortable to be single.

I did meet someone in the end who met my high standards and we've been happy (I put that down to not actually living together )

I just cannot be bothered with men. It's not that I've been treated badly, because I haven't. But I just don't want to look after another grown up person ever again, and I don't know anyone whose got a man who isn't a burden. Even the ones I am friends with, when I know their wives I know how they burden her. Maybe he doesn't work, maybe he doesn't do the housework, maybe she's doing everything for the kids, maybe he whinges on all the time about his super Important Feelings, it's always something.

I don't know if this is generational because I grew up in a house with a father who worked and cooked my tea and took me to football after school and had his own friends and interests, same as my mother. I thought that was totally normal, but it doesn't seem to be for millennials.

I just feel totally over men. I just cannot be fucking bothered with able bodied adult humans who can't pull their weight. I don't need any help; and I just am over constantly pouring my energy into men. So many of my friends are just drained by them. Amazing women, dragged down and wrung out by these mediocre, tedious, needy whiny men.

I've got a good job and a lovely home and great friends. The ONLY thing they are of any use for is sex and so many of them are not even good at that. TBH I'd rather sort myself out there these days as well. The only thing I can't really do is reach really high things so I've bought a cottage with 18th c ceilings.

So I have no advice. I think I'm just 100% done.

I can't imagine living with a man again. I don't think I've got over the sheer relief of being out from under yet, and it's been a few years.

Maybe when the dc leave home, I'll feel differently, but it's just so peaceful without a partner sharing the living space. Well, I say sharing but it's more like dominating it. Or that's my experience.

I do have a boyfriend tho, and enjoy his company and the sex . But he goes home.

I don't know either OP. I think once trust is broken, no matter if it is the same partner or not, I just don't think it is possible to trust anyone fully again.

I have been cheated on, and it makes you realise that no matter how much you think you know someone, you just never know. So automatically you prepare yourself for not having to go through that again. And I am quite sure in my case that involves being on hyper alert for red flags and never being able to trust completely again. I will forever been on high alert.

So for me personally, I would not go into another relationship now as I know to be in a successful relationship, one does have to trust the other, and tbh I have such a barrier up that will not happen.

I am ok with this though.

Should have mentioned that I'm still not planning on living with someone (except my adult children) ever again.

I cant imagine anyone else in my space, all the negotiations around housework, finances etc. I'm done with all that, in my house i get to choose and I'm not willing to compromise.

Luckily my boyfriend feels the same so we're quite happy living apart and seeing each other a few times a week.

vello 👏👏👏

OP, I think I'm at the stage where I don't care if I never get involved with a man again, but if I do meet one who is actually decent and would enhance my life rather than drag me down and drain me, that would just be a pleasant bonus. But even then, I'd never live with him. I've read so many threads recently about useless cocklodgers, behaving like adolescent boys and eating the poor OPs out of house and home, and I just can't imagine what they could possibly provide that makes them worth keeping around. It's not necessarily that I don't trust men, I simply find them disappointing most of the time.