Anyone else feel like a peice of furniture?

[Sassymom]

Dont get my wrong, I am a very lucky lady, 3 healthy children, Handsome husband.

Here's the deal. I go to work ( with my baby). I go home. I do homework with my 7 yr old, while my autistic 4 yr old manages to demolish the place & My infant is needing attention. I cook dinner, I get the kids outside so they can have some fun, I give all of them a bath. I somehow manage to get a bath in ,clean up a bit & go to bed & start all over again.

My husband is a good husband, faithful, loving ,good dad, good provider... only thing is he seems to think that ( or maybe he's just not thinking at all) that I dont need time for myself. He works & makes all the money which gets shoved in my face if I complain.
He will say, Im going play golf, Im going work out, Im going see a band etc etc etc... never asks me to find a sitter & join him. He either works until its after bedtime or comes home & plays video games. I dont get these luxuries, but I get alot of extra work.

I know that I am blessed with a beautiful family & a husband that supports us, Am I wrong to be complaining? Is there anyone else who is just turning into a peice of furniture?

He is behaving very selfishly indeed and that whole thing of making all the money is a load of rubbish. You really need to sit down and talk about this seriously with him and instigate some major chamges, or you will either end up divorced or very bitter.

Agree with nineunlikelytales - you are being given a VERY rough deal here; it doesn't matter that he is working to provide for you, what are you doing if it is not working to provide a happy home for him and is children?

God knows how you cope with that lot and still sound serene. He is effectively living a single life and I am amazed that you are not eaten up with resentment.

He needs to be told in no uncertain terms that he needs to support you more, not just financially, but in the emotional ways which are equally valuable.

I think you should pour yourself a glass of wine - I think you well and truly deserve it!

he has his cake and eating it at the mo - you need to tell him what you think

he might not like it but then neither do you

whats to lose? if you were divorced hed still have to support the kids and youd get some weekends off!

He's not supporting you though is he?
He may earn money but support is more than money.

Soundsl ike a selfish tosser.

there is more to being a good husband than paying the bills
you are both working out of the home so why are you solely responsible for the childcare and other chores?
you have got to have a heart to heart about this

Your deal seems to be pretty much the same as mine. Although, mine is complaining that i dont have enough time to go to the gym so I can keep up my looks, too. I have only 2 kids, so I guess I have less domestic chores than you. But I am also a working mum.

Looking after children and a house is a job, just because it's unpaid doesn't mean it isn't valuable.

It's the greatest con-trick ever that men pulled persuading women that our traditional domestic work isn't actually work and doesn't count or isn't worthy of respect.

Your husband sounds blessed, you sound like you are being treated like his skivvy - although at least a skivvy would get a wage packet.

You're not wrong to be complaining. How exactly is he a good dad? Must be hard to be that if he works till they're in bed then goes out playing golf at the weekend?

Have confidence that you are NOT WRONG. You are definitely doing the right thing if you withdraw your consent to his lifestyle. But you DO need to TELL him. He can't know unless you tell him. Silent resentment does not bother anyone else but you!

If this was me I would want (depending on his job) at the very least, one night a week for HIM to do bedtime so you can relax. I'd want to go out myself once a week, or have the option to if I wanted. I'd want him to prioritise his family EVERY weekend, with golf etc very much an occasional add-on.

He doesn't support you - he earns the money, you do the childcare and housework. Even Stevens at this point.

He needs to get of his handsome behind and start dividing up the free time that remains. Simple.

My DH goes to gym, goes out with mates, goes to football, boxing, rugby etc on a regular basis. I do nothing......

I try not to think about it too much because then I would have to address what a selfish a*se he can be. I console myself with knowing when my DD has stopped BF that my time will come as I have regular babysitters in PIL. When it does I can assure you I will not be spending my social time with him. He can carry on as he has been.

So yes OP I know exactly how you feel.

Just so you can compare with what happens in a normal family - I don't work and DH works full time in a stressful job. He puts DS (13m) to bed every night unless he really has to work late, and one night a week he is completely responsible for all DS night wakenings. We socialise together with our friends at home mainly, although obviously he does go out with friends sometimes and I go to ballet once a week by myself. No resentment on either side.

Ha, am on here to post very similar issue, so NO you are not the only piece of furniture! I am still on maternity leave, go back to work in 6 weeks, DP gets home from work at 8pm on an 'early' night. He goes out several times a week, I have been out, oooh maybe 5 times since DD was born. Am fuming this morning because he agreed to take me shopping to buy an outfit for a big family wedding coming up and yet he went out last night and got home at 4.30pm!! Yes I know I have a healthy DD but a bit of support and help at the weekend wouldn't go amiss! AIBU to expect him to come home at a reasonable time so we can enjoy the weekend? Anyone else's DP/DH go out until this time?
Sorry Sassymom, didn't mean to hijack, just so fed up this morning

Meant 4.30am..i.e. 3 hours ago!

Its ok Beanstalk. Thats sucks, Sorry to hear you are going through that. DH used to go out til late a few years ago but that has stopped. Suppose he justifies his video gaming that way & I am at fault to a degree since I am the one that let it go on so long. Dunno, Just wonder what it would be like sometime if I had a life, freedom? I sometimes get jealous of peers who come & go as they please ( single) & married peers who do stuff together ( coupled or as a family) He does have his good moments, & has made huge changes in the past few years.. HE took me on my 1st vacation, Although I'll probably be hearing about that one for a while as well.He mentioned a trip coming up. ( I was not included ) But My Girlfriend suggested I find a sitter & go with her to a concert. I guess If I cant join him, I will let him know that other people enjoy my company, maybe he'll come around. What I think I'll do is, find a good sitter & make time for myself.

& Thanks so much ladies for all the input I appreciate it. Oh Yeah, & with his money I hired a lady to help me keep up with the house work.