Is anybody else living a lie?

[Ellingtonboots]

I'm not the type who posts everything on social media about how happy my life is etc but the reality is what i post on social media shows me happy, with a loving partner, lovely children, having family days out etc.

Reality is although for the most part we are happy my partner does next to nothing around the house and we 'argue' about this often, older DC sees me as a personal assistant and that adds to my workload. Younger DC is coming up to 2 and tantrums are kicking in, i work from home several days a week and literally have her bouncing on my head while i try to work.
When partner and older DC leave for school/work my heart sinks at the thought of having to spend all day with younger DC, trying to work and just doing the bulk of parenting all the time.
Weekends are no different as partner has hobbies that take him out of the house for 4-5 hours saturdays and some sundays too. So family days out are planned around when he has the time for us. I have no hobbies that i could do to give me a break but even if i did i wouldn't have the oppotunity.
I wake up dreading each day but nobody has a clue because all they see is the happy version of my life. So fed up of it all. Can anybody relate?

It does sound relentless.

Is there anyway you could try nursery for a few days a week for your youngest. At least then you could structure the week into work days, child days and try to carve out some time for you?

At the weekends, try to claim a bit of time out for you by insisting Saturday mornings or Sunday tea time is when your dh takes both kids out so you can chill, visit friends or just be on your own.

Yep, 100%. I have a lovely home, DD of 3 and on paper a decent partner but we argue all the time about housework, have definitely fallen out of love and we don't like each other much. I basically have a plan in my head of wait out 15 years then leave him. Sometimes I even calculate the days. No one else knows. I try not to think about it frequently as its depressing. No real advice but you are not alone x
I think nursery would be good for your youngest, even just 1-2 days a week will give you a break and let you get on with some work.

I try to leave 'D'H off my SM altogether, though my DM posts don't touch on the reality of my life much. I know several people whose reality is very different to their SM posts. I feel like my friends and I have gotten to a stage where we all have too much going on in our lives. Life seems very relentless for a lot of people I know currently. I feel like we've reached a stage where the cracks are showing.

Two friends do know some of what's going on in the mess that is my life, but they both have their own issues and losses and parenting/relationship issues to deal with. And the wa

@messy123 Sixteen years ago when my son was 2.5 yrs I felt exactly the same as you. I had fallen out of love with my then DH and couldn't imagine being with him for the rest of my life and planned to leave when DS was much older, like you. I told a friend and she basically said, "dont wait". Amd thats what i am saying to you too, leave now, start again. Your DD is young enough to accept what is happening and not be too emotionally scarred by it (not so if you leave it any longer). You are young enough to start again, and being a single mother to a small DD is far easier than having to also look after a DH you don't particularly like. Me and ExDH remained friends-ish for the sake of DS and are now great friends who i call for a chat sometimes! I was alone for about a year and then met my now DH and we have 3 boys between us. It was scary to do, but not as scary as the thought of having to be with that person and pretending for 15 years. Do it!

She was in nursery just prior to lockdown when i was working but its been a massive drain money wise, me and partner were paying 50/50 as we do with all bills but my wages are less and its too much for me to afford.
I've recently gone back to work for 2 days a week (just 2 weeks ago) and a family member has her for a reduced amount of money than nursery would cost so i just can't afford to put her in nursery for the remainder of the days i work.
I thought having 2 days at work would make things better by giving me a break which it does while im there but it's just making the days i work at home worse because im comparing it to the days where im at work and dont have to deal with her.
I know people have it far worse so i dont want to fall into a self pity hole but right now everything just feels so negative.

@messy123 i know i should be taking the same advice as what im about to say so excuse me for being a hypocrite!
But 15 years is a long time to be unhappy and you could meet somebody else and be happy if you give yourself the opportunity to do so.
Don't stay in an unhappy home because you think its the right thing to do for your child, so many women out there do it and you will regret it one day.

Also, I went from being married and having small DS and we were aleys skint, couldn't afford nursery although we had to pay for it as we got barely any Tax Credits as we both worked FT.

As soon as i left DH and was a single mum, Child Tax Credits and Working Tax Credits paid 100% of DSs nursery fees leaving my meagre salary all for me to pay the mortgage, bills etc.

It was like there as really no financial incentive to stay together, but apart i managed perfectly with all the benefits i got on top of my salary, denied to us as a couple. Do look into what you would get tax credit wise, it might be the push you need.

www.gov.uk/tax-credits-calculator

@messy123 You can do as you please but listen to the advice given, Your daughter will know .. she will see and she will learn from your mistakes, Children see more than we know and they learn from everything we do or say.

You are teaching your daughter to just put up and shut up.

You will give her a much better life if you are happy and living your life to the full rather than just waiting for her to grow up so you can leave her father. I would also rather just know my life of having 2 seperate parents than get to adulthood and suddenly having my life turned upside down by my parents splitting, nothing will be the same again and she will be old enough to know and to think of all the changes that will happen.

Think its actually quite a bit selfish to be honest.

my partner does next to nothing around the house and we 'argue' about this often
Arguing isn't getting you anywhere. Divide the tasks.

older DC sees me as a personal assistant
Because you enable it. Stop acting as his/her PA.

i work from home several days a week and literally have her bouncing on my head while i try to work.
If you are WFH, you should not be looking after your child. You need childcare for the WFH hours.

Why are you staying with this waste-of-space partner?? You describe him as doing little around the house, leaving you with the bulk of childcare, and vanishing for much of the weekend to do his 'hobbies'? Unless he will change (highly unlikely), he's just dragging you down. He is not taking part in your relationship or family. You deserve to be happy - get rid of him and be happy!
Try re-reading your posts, breaking down the issues, and dealing with each one. Eg as PP said, you should NOT be WFT and looking after a child, you need childcare; you could try counselling with partner, it can help to find a way forward or help make separating less difficult; stop being your DC PA; etc. Be proactive OP. Good luck OP