Sex dry patch...what causes it

[summerrain34]

What's the longest everyone has had a dry patch for why do they happen just feel.ljke my partner has given up on me not attracted to me etc.... sometimes I feel its gonna happen then it dosnt also side note theirs a 17 year age gap I'm 21 and hes 38

Oh God don't waste your time! You're so young to be going without! Some men do slow down as they approach 40; others just don't have a high sex drive. Have you spoken to him about it?

We've never had a dry patch, apart from the aftermath of childbirth. And we've been together 30 years. These two facts are closely linked.

Don't waste another moment of your precious life on him. From my perspective, you are in late childhood. Most people are younger than me so they'd say you're a young adult. Young. Your problem should be getting a little tender after six times a night, not wondering why some old bloke isn't coming up with the goods.

Move on unless there is a physical reason why he cannot make love to you, then you need to discuss that. You are so young sex should be fun and frequent.

He will only get worse. Definitely time to move on.

Ignore the judgemental responses about the age difference. Mismatched sex drives can happen at any age. For about 3 years in the middle of our marriage, either my DH or me were at different places when it came to sex, caused by depression, medication, ED, other medical issues, and work stress. We got there in the end and had 17 brilliant years overall with a great sex life. We loved each other deeply. FWIW he was a lot older than me. I'm glad we stayed together and didn't throw in the towel in the tough years because it's only sex.

. These two facts are closely linked.

What do you mean by that @Anothernick ?

@veraismyspiritanimal

. These two facts are closely linked.

What do you mean by that @Anothernick ?

She means they've been married a long time because they have sex.

Exactly vangoghsdog. I don't think we'd have stayed together all these years if it hadn't been for a strong sexual attraction.

Indeed on one occasion we were close to splitting and discussed the subject in bed one night whilst doing the deed. The absurdity of discussing splitting whilst we were satisfying each other was an important factor in keeping us together.

Struggling with being a mum at the moment j seem to just have zero energy to do anything with my child ...I still do do everything but only because I have to I just get zero joy out of any of it I feel so disconnected from him I look at him and think he's the best thing in the world but I'm just unsure of how I feel has anyone had an experience of this

Six years. And counting.

Why does it happen? Some reasons are:
Being knackered or stressed (main reason by a mile). Different owl/lark tendencies - more oomph early or late? Problems or uncertainty about conception or contraception even if it may have worked before. Insecurity about appearance, linked a bit to age. Not having any preamble, be it conversation or time tuning in to each other.

@summerrain34 this sounds like depression. Going through the motions and feeling nothing, having very low energy are classic symptoms. Perhaps the disconnect with your partner and not feeling desired could have something to do with this? Please don’t let this carry on without help as these feelings don’t have to continue. Have you discussed this with anyone? Might it help to talk to your GP about these feelings? You sound very down and exhausted and in need of support.

How long have you been together and how old is your child? (and how do they sleep?)