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Original poster

Birthday. Is this a bad sign?

37 replies

Hoolahoop19 · 13/10/2020 12:08

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and all is going well. He’s lovely and sweet and we both have children from previous relationships so we have taken our relationship nice and slowly. We are in our early 40s.

We have not met each other’s children yet although we have talked about doing this very soon. His is an older teen.

It’s my birthday on Friday and it falls on a day he has his teen. Therefore he wants us to celebrate my birthday next week when we are both child-free. I understand the reason for this and am glad we will still celebrate it together albeit on a different day, but part of me feels a little sad. I would have been happy to arrange childcare for my own children to do something on my actual birthday if he had suggested it but it seems like this option hasn’t even crossed his mind.

Would this make you feel a little sad? I know that at our ages birthdays are no longer a very big deal, but I’m a little worried that it feels symbolic of things to come. Would you expect more?

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 13/10/2020 20:10

Agree with WakeMeUp. Don’t you have anyone else you can see on your birthday? Family/friends?

LilyWater · 13/10/2020 20:12

Have you not thought at all about his child? Confused

They're going to feel rejected if their dad turns down time that's specifically for them for the birthday of a woman who he could spend time with any other time! Even if his teen claims they don't feel rejected, it's not sending a good message is it? That spending a birthday with you is more important than them when they're meant to his top priority Confused

VivaMiltonKeynes · 13/10/2020 20:20

You are an adult and you don't need to celebrate your birthday ON the day with him . You haven't even meet the teen yet so it is relatively early days . Go with the flow!

LynetteScavo · 13/10/2020 20:26

How would the conversation with the teen go?

"I've met a woman I really like. I'm not ready for you to meet her yet, but it's her birthday so I'm going to take her out for a meal. Her birthday happenstance to be the day I usually spend with you, so I'm not going to be able to see you on that day, sorry buddy."

Or he could lie and invent something. That was more important than the teen. Which, if you're a teenager would need to be quite massive, because teens aren't known for their ability to put random peoples needs before their own.

AbsentmindedWoman · 14/10/2020 00:48

Would you expect more?

No. You only know each other 7 months. It is appropriate he isn't cancelling or rearranging his kid for someone at this point. He sounds sensible.

He still wants to celebrate your birthday with you, which shows he is keen and attentive.

OldWomanSaysThis · 14/10/2020 03:34

Nature of the beast dating with children. I don't see it as a bad sign at all.

redcarbluecar · 14/10/2020 04:39

As long as he honours the ‘next week’ idea, I think this sounds fine. It protracts your bday too. Hope you have someone to celebrate it with on the day. 😀

blackcat86 · 14/10/2020 05:11

Surely you just celebrate your birthday as usual and then celebrate with him the week after? His DC needs to come first and just because you would arrange child care for your children it doesn't mean he should do the same, especially after only 7 months for a woman his teen hasn't met yet.

category12 · 14/10/2020 07:06

As per pps, I think you're unreasonable. I'm a keen defender of people having nice birthdays, but it's not like he's blowing it off or being dismissive - it falls on his contact day, and he wants to celebrate with you a different day instead.

I think birthdays are nice to spend as a family, enjoy it with your children, you won't be "alone".

Fortunategirl · 14/10/2020 14:32

I think you’re being needy and a bit weird. You’re not 10. Birthdays, unless they are the decades (30, 40, 50 etc) are pretty irrelevant. Just be normal. Feeling mopey over a non big birthday is a bit weird.

Savemyusername01 · 14/10/2020 14:34

I don’t think he should swap his day with his child just because it’s your birthday.

Songlyrics · 14/10/2020 14:49

Are you feeling this way perhaps because you are worried that you are taking things "too slowly'? Are their other things which have made you concerned that you don't mean as much to him as he means to you? I think we rarely feel the way we do due to one isolated thing, even if it's tiny, inconsequential things we barely notice at the time, but added together... Or have you previously felt underappreciated in a relationship and it's made you wary?

I think your feelings are valid, but that doesn't necessarily mean that your expectations were.

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