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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Instant Attraction - Confused!

25 replies

RayStarling · 13/10/2020 00:51

Last week I had an online work meeting with a man and woman who work in a different team to me, one of whom I'd never met.

Anyway, during the meeting, which I was leading, I felt that there was a lot of eye contact (online meeting, I know, but it felt like that) from the female colleague that I'd never met before and I felt drawn to her.....as if every detail about her stood out, from her gestures, movements, eye contact all stood out. Even though it was a work conversation little bits of information were presented, like her home town, past jobs, not a big thing as such. I could sense her eyes moving as if scanning my face as I was noticing everything from the way she tied her hair back, to her lipstick, her ears, her eyes, the way she held herself.

I didn't really know what to think, it wasn't a flirtatious context, but there was an instant attraction (from me, God knows what she thought!). It hit me after the meeting as I felt like my heart skipped a beat!!

That encounter was almost a week ago but it's left quite an impression, I've never felt anythink like it before. The sense of feeling like you know that person, that you understand them in some way, that there's a connection. Usually whenever i'm attracted to someone it fades but this has stayed quite intense for days.

I started reading up around instant attraction today and was reflecting on it and why she had left such an impression, why I felt that I knew her and felt this magnetic attraction that went beyond the fact that I found her attractive but that I was also attracted to other depths of her.

Anyway, as I was reflecting, I went outside to vape, I looked up at the clear night sky.....and all of a sudden, with these powerful emotional response, this instant attraction, still whirring around in my head, I looked up and say a shooting star!!

What a weird co-incidence!

What does anyone think? Is this all some one sided folly that I'm obsessing over for no real reason, or is it something else? How do I know there's any kind of connection felt from her?

OP posts:
donaldtrumpsarmpit · 13/10/2020 01:12

what are your personal circumstances ? Partnered/single
Etc.

I would be looking at life circumstances to consider why a reaction could be this strong.

Eckhart · 13/10/2020 01:25

I think you saw someone you fancied, and you'd love to live in a fairytale.

quizqueen · 13/10/2020 02:06

If she has any sense at all, she won't be attracted to a vaper!!!

CorianderLord · 13/10/2020 02:08

It's called fanciying someone ffs

ulanbatorismynextstop · 13/10/2020 06:55

You might have known her in a past life. That's why she's so familiar.

Or maybe you just fancied her.

I'm sure you can think of an excuse to phone her about something work related?

nolovelost · 13/10/2020 07:19

It just sounds like someone zoned out whilst listening to you!

Rockinmomma · 13/10/2020 07:37

Ahhhhh stop being mean people, who doesn’t want the Disney fairytale romantic connection?
FWIW if you’d spouted this stuff to me a year ago I’d be cynical too Grin
OP, you only live once! If you have a means of contacting her, go for it! What have you got to lose?

HaggisBurger · 13/10/2020 07:44

Google “limerence”. Often starts like that.

LockdownLoopy · 13/10/2020 07:46

I’ve had this before, with a man. I still really fancy him and it’s been a sort of long term crush that won’t go away. But deep down I knew we’d never be compatible in a relationship so we’ve stayed friends. He will probably always give me the tingles, but that’s all, just a silly crush, we’re all human and it does happen sometimes, doesn’t always have to mean something but I know how intense it can feel

daisydukes26 · 13/10/2020 08:27

@quizqueen

If she has any sense at all, she won't be attracted to a vaper!!!
Better to be a vaper than a viper. 🐍
TiggerDatter · 13/10/2020 08:38

It sounds wonderful OP, whether it means anything - who can say?

Cheesypea · 13/10/2020 08:49

You fancy her that's all. I think your reading alot into it, some people are friendly and make alot of eye contact.

Whatisthisfuckery · 13/10/2020 08:54

It sounds like you’ve got infatuated with a possible flirtation with someone you’ve obviously taken a fancy to. Beware, straight women flirt all the time, I have no idea why but it can be most annoying.

ChasedByFox · 13/10/2020 10:25

You saw a meteorite so it must be love?
Grin

Wait until your next meeting and see if she gives you a sign.

RayStarling · 13/10/2020 17:57

Thanks everyone, I think I was just very thrown as I've never had an instant attraction of that intensity.

I haven't been consciously looking for any form of relationship, casual/long term or otherwise.

I've been living in a celibate situation for the past two years and had if anything carried on with life without really giving anyone else much thought outside of work and my kids.

My own situation is difficult, I found out that my partner was having an affair (for a couple of years with an ex colleague) we tried to make things work...and they did for about 5 months.

Then things returned to distance, detachment, celibacy, no communication and pretty much the end of the relationship. Separate beds for most of that time, stability of sorts for the kids really and ultimately change will be coming.

I think this sudden attraction is probably reflective of my own situation or a potential sign of my own reawakening of my senses.

The shooting star was a nice touch, I haven't seen one in over 20 years, maybe it made me think of the last period of my life where I felt truly happy?

I don't vape that much, honestly, just a few toots before bed of a cbd vape as I have a herniated lower disc and sciatica so the pain relief helps me to sleep much better than a reliance on pain medication.

Maybe this intense attraction is nothing, either way it's intriguing and makes me want to know why such things happen....why do I feel a familiar sense of connection with someone I've never met in person?

It's good to feel alive again and I guess that why it's been such a strong reaction.

Maybe I really am an old romantic! Or maybe it's just a nice sense of feeling a connection outside of the pain and turmoil of the past few years.

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 13/10/2020 18:15

Wishing you well @RayStarling Smile

Ceriane · 15/10/2020 09:29

Could be you knew her in a past life. This happened to me once a few years back, and I felt sure the other person felt it as well. Happened to me a couple of times.

Jelllytotss · 15/10/2020 13:05

All been there. I had the worst crush on a bloke once who made eye contact with me. That's all it took. A look. It Just lasted a few weeks. It's great at first. Then it becomes abit crappy as fairytales don't exist and it's not usually equal on both sides. Whilst I thought for a few days it was going to become something he didn't even give me his number which did feel like he had broke my heart for a few days. It was definitely a shock when I realised it was nothing. But yes everything was screaming first sight. He was flirty. We both smiled and stared at eachother. He would say stuff to me when he was alone. Then bam he was gone!

heartlikepaper · 15/10/2020 20:51

I had never heard of limerence until my ex suggested it might be what we were feeling for each other in the first few weeks of highly mutual intense obsession. (crazy stuff but at least it was mutual!). not sure about your situation, you could be reading a lot more into an online meeting than there was, Are you lonely for connection? the shooting star was a nice treat to see but not a green light for a particular romance

RuffleCrow · 15/10/2020 21:22

If you were in a metting with more than one person, how could you even tell she was looking at you?! She could have been checking out the other person, or no-one at all!

It's probably just limerence, which i suffer from myself. It's just a meaningless swirl of chemicals that tricks you into thinking something amazing is happening. I get it daily when i see my own crush.

RayStarling · 18/10/2020 01:46

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your comments. I think it's a crush for sure but also signifies a more positive sense of self worth in myself after so many years of feeling depressed.

I'd lost what it felt like to be myself so even if this is just a passing fancy, the most important thing for me is that I've turned a corner in my life and feel a spark within me that was missing for years.

OP posts:
TiggerDatter · 18/10/2020 07:37

That’s brilliant OP! My advice is to work with that spark, fan it into a flame of life, and start enjoying being you again. Probably not with that particular woman, but that’s ok isn’t it?

StarlightLady · 19/10/2020 08:03

My sister has been married for years. She met her husband at a wedding reception in an hotel. She bedded him within 2 hours of them meeting.

Instant attraction does happen.

As you get to know someone better, things can go wrong, tread with caution, but don’t avoid treading at all. But that applies to all things related to living.

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/10/2020 11:35

My XP showed me a photo of his XP.

I instantly thought 'I like this woman' and there was a feeling of...almost recognition?

We later met and got on like a house on fire. I miss her more than I miss the XP, to be honest.

Nothing sexual whatsoever, just like meeting up again with an old friend that you've not seen in a long time. Very strange, but it does happen - and lovely that it happened to you and made you feel good as a result!

daisydukes26 · 21/10/2020 06:56

@Zaphodsotherhead

I have something very similar actually with My ex from many years ago. I recently met his latest ex. I instantly knew we would be friends. We look so alike we get mistaken for sisters when out. Very similar family background, views, parenting styles, humour. People find it very odd to be honest.

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