Breathing room...

[prettygreenteacup]

This year has been intense. In Feb me and DH split after 3 years of betrayal (from him), broken trust and battling in vain to save our marriage. He had moved out for a month and then lockdown forced him back into the house so we could both manage WFH, childcare and homeschooling.
Long story short we concluded we wanted to reconcile, saw lots of positive changes in him etc.
I just now feel as though it's all been so intense I haven't really processed things properly. Months of being together 7 days a week (both WFH) is starting to feel suffocating and I'm kind of scared I agreed to reconcile without properly digesting things and considering the future. I love him and choose forgiveness towards him but this has all been so intense I am starting to wonder what will happen if later down the line another crisis happens? Am I going to spend my life walking on eggshells?
I don't even know what I'm after with this post. I just need to vent. I feel like I have no room to breathe and process this year and now we're about to be plunged into a local lockdown and I'm anxious.

What sort of betrayal was it? Affair(s)?

Have you tried relationship counselling or done any work on the relationship, or has it just been a case of making promises and resuming?

He slept with two women and also racked up a lot of gambling debt over the course of 3 years.
We were having separate counselling and then lockdown hit and it all stopped. I'm looking to resume counselling again.

The hills are that way>>>>

Seriously sorting it out may seem very romantic, but men like that dont change. They just take people down with them.

Gosh. Are you sure you want to try again, after all that?

It seems to me you've been forced back with him by circumstances, and actually you'd have been better calling it quits.

"Months of being together 7 days a week (both WFH) is starting to feel suffocating and I'm kind of scared I agreed to reconcile without properly digesting things and considering the future. I love him and choose forgiveness towards him but this has all been so intense I am starting to wonder what will happen if later down the line another crisis happens? Am I going to spend my life walking on eggshells?"

I think this is a really important point. Circumstances pushed you back together and you have tried to make it work. But something doesn't feel right. That's because you know, deep down, that by cheating with two women and wracking up a lot of gambling debt he's really used up all his strikes in one go, so to speak. Each one of those things individually would be very serious and he's done all three. And goodness knows what else besides - perhaps deep down you suspect there is more wrongdoing but you just don't know about it. Cheating with two women in three years sounds like pretty determined infidelity to me so perhaps you suspect there may be more.

Don't be rushed, OP. If you need space again, you should ask him to leave so you can take it.