Difficult sister relationship

[joniesparkle]

Hi,

I have an up and down relationship with my sister. We’re very different in terms of outlook on life - I’m career driven and ambitious, she’s the opposite and doesn’t respect that work is my priority. We often clash - she’s quite aggressive and hostile in her approach whereas I’m quite passive and don’t rise to it. Oh

I’ve distanced myself because she causes me an awful lot of stress and anxiety. She’s highly critical and makes me feel very negative about myself during almost every interaction we have.

She has three young children and I worry about losing my relationship with them. But at the moment, I can’t face seeing my sister even if I do get to see her children.

Any advice please on how to remain distant but still have a relationship with my nieces and nephews?

Thanks.

Move somewhere relatively far away so you dont have to see her that often? But still send birthday cards ect to the kids and do the occasional day-out visit. Then when the kids grow up, they should still have a good relationship with you because you've stayed in touch and because when you were around, it was short and sweet visits rather than continuous fighting with their mum.

Thank you. ‘Unfortunately’ we live very close, but I have thought about moving away as being physically distant would help I think. Good suggestions about keeping in touch with the children, thank you.

Ask to take the kids for a day out and offer to give her a break at the same time so she's not invited.

Great suggestion thank you.

I had a similar situation but I'm twenty years on... I compromised myself a lot to maintain the relationship with my neice's and nephew but when they because adults and saw the fractured relationship between myself and their mother they ( quite rightly) withdrew from me. If your sister is critical to you, she is likely critical about you and it's a situation that is difficult to maintain. I was a good aunt, made a massive effort and never critisised their mother but it wasn't enough. I would advise you to work on the relationship and try to salvage it. You can't have a long term relationship with the children when you don't like their mother. If this fails then go low contact but stay friendly when you do talk, but this means you lose the close relationship it sounds like you want. There's no easy answers here.