So fed up with weed smoking partner

[3to5]

I just want to preface this by saying that I'm only 4 days PP and emotions are definitely all over the place so I'm in a bit of a mental haze.

Long story short - DP is addicted to weed. Not an all day/all night type addiction. He is a highly functioning professional, a good dad and a loyal partner.
But over the years we've been together he has made promise after promise, time and time again (will only smoke at weekends/will only have one a night/will only have it socially), and he moves the goalposts constantly to suit his mood and needs that day.
I feel like I'm at a breaking point now. We have a toddler and a newborn (4 days old) and I told him categorically that I don't want him smoking once the baby is here.
The day we got back from the hospital he had a spliff about an hour later. Then it was that he would only have one a night after toddler is asleep and would shower and change his clothes immediately as I didn't want any risk of third hand smoke near the baby. He smokes outside.

Last night I woke up to feed DC at 1am and DP wasn't in the room. He came back in and looked caught out and he'd got up after waking up and went for a spliff!
To me it's just unacceptable and pathetic behaviour. I'm so smitten with our new child and it makes me so upset to think that isn't just enough for him. And the constant making promises and giving his word to just break it at the first opportunity. I'm so fed up and miserable with it all and can't believe it's gone on this long (obviously more fool me for thinking someone can change).
I don't know where to go from here? I feel so vulnerable but also so trapped. I wouldn't be able to afford to rent or buy anywhere even close to where our lives are now and to move far out, to a not-so-nice area on my own frightens me so much.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, but can anyone offer any advice at all?

@CakeRequired

Everyone is right, he won't stop unless he wants to.

As pp said, pack your things, go to the council and tell them you are homeless. They have to house you somewhere. That's about your only option really sadly.

A little naive @CakeRequired. OP is not homeless as the council will be able to establish within minutes. She is four DAYS post partum with a toddler. How on earth is this either feasible or practical? She is not in physical harm and is protecting her children.

OP if you are put off the replies here please do post again in Relationships. AIBU is unnecessarily brutal at times.

You could still register as homeless with the council and stay with her temporarily. Alternatively, if you present at the council and tell them your relationship has ended, leaving you homeless, then they will have a responsibility to find you emergency accommodation until something more long term is arranged.

This is ridiculous. Why on earth should the tax payer foot the bill for the OP choosing to have multiple children with a drug addict? Why should the children have to live separately from their father? The OP is essentially conducting a bait-and-switch.

Why would you leave? Ask him to leave.

I’m so sorry OP, this is such a hard situation. I can see why you pin your hopes on his promises because the alternative is going to be tough. But ultimately worth it.

My DP was smoking every evening, sometimes during the day too. We have 2 kids & even though he always smoked it outside it was just pathetic.

We argued about it a lot, until eventually I told him I couldn’t do it anymore & he had to go. He stopped smoking the day after & although I know he has smoked a bit when out with his mates he doesn’t smoke/have it at home, at all, ever.

Sometimes it’s not about what you want to do, it’s what’s the best thing to do for your family. Tell him to go OP, if his any sort of man he’ll quit to stay with his family & if he goes & leaves you all so he can continue to smoke weed... well then you have your answer.

@MaskingForIt

The best advice, which is for other readers as it is too late for you, is don’t have children with drug addicts.

As you’ve chosen to have children with a drug addict then you need to put up with it. Not fair to remove the children from their father when you knew what he was like pre-conception.

Also, get some good contraception.

You are absolutely vile. People like you shouldn't be allowed to comment on these threads.

OP, please ignore the harsh responses from perfect people. perhaps you could try posting in relationships or one of the addiction boards.

I don't know what the answer is but I hope you find a way through for you all

Stop making empty threats. He still smokes because there is no consequences.

MaskingForLt your very harsh.

OP, I agree with others and that you should
give him an ultimatum. He either gets help for his weed or you'll leave.

Hi all. The OP had second thoughts about posting this in AIBU, so we've moved it over to the Relationships board by request.

As pp said, pack your things, go to the council and tell them you are homeless. They have to house you somewhere

@CakeRequired I don't think they'd necessarily see that as having a 'duty to house'- they don't with most people in general, as they might say OP has made herself intentionally homeless by choosing too leave. They might give her a list of landlords prepared to accept people on a low income/benefits (which she may be entitled to on her own, help with rent etc) or help her raise a deposit towards a place.

@3to5 You may have to somehow compromise on the type of place you have/the location, but that isn't so bad when your kids are so small, as you don't need as much room. Then after a while when you're back at work you could get somewhere better.

It's worth it if it means you don't have to live with a stoner, IMO.