Suicide threats and gaslighting

[HelpMeStayAway]

Hi there, I left my husband after years of emotional and verbal abuse, emotional blackmail and classic gaslighting a week ago.

He is refusing to leave the (rented) family home so I am living at my parents house.

He has threatened to harm himself many times over the years, two times in the last week I’ve had to arrange a welfare check for him. Now he’s not allowed to contact me so has been contacting family members instead.

We have a young son who I am trying to protect from the shouting and swearing and general nasty atmosphere.

I just can’t see an end to it while he’s refusing to move out and I’m stuck paying more than half for a house I’m not living in. I’ve contact Shelter and unless he signs the break out clause in our contract, he can stay until March.

I just don’t know where to start today. Do I phone the council and explain and see if they can help or start with the landlady? I’m so confused and drained. I’ve spoken to the police and everything that he has done has been just within the law

Occupation order from the court

You aren’t responsible for his actions. You have left. He can’t abuse you any more - unless you let him. Let him shift for himself.

All this energy wasted on him could be used having fun with your son.

What @Stilllovehim01 said. Call the National Centre for Domestic Violence (www.ncdv.org.uk/contact/). They can explain the process to you and you can see if this is something you want to pursue.

First of all, well done for leaving this abusive relationship. It's going to be a while before you feel better and see happiness but it really is a difficult thing to do, so that is really good.

What is the situation with your parents home? How long can you stay there? I'm not suggesting as a solution, just wondering how urgent your situation is?

A week is not a long time when a marriage ends, it really isn't. For either you or your husband. It doesn't sound like he is going to suddenly change his mind about vacating the house. So... I don't know anything about an occupation order.... I'm assuming you are both on the tenancy and technically you have "chosen" to leave ( I know you haven't really). If you stop paying your half what will happen? Will your husband take over the full amount? If you go into arrears this is going to impact on your credit rating which could really harm your chances of obtaining another rental....

Thank you everyone.

I’m going to speak to the estate agent today to see what the legalities are. In the past I’ve always gone back home the same night I’ve left, this is the first time I’ve stayed away so I am determined that I will this time. Especially for my son. The final straw was my husband telling him that he is not his dad, because our son has curly hair and he doesn’t! I’m not having him affected too.

I will phone the domestic abuse helpline, I couldn’t get hold of them over the weekend.

How do I apply for an occupation order?

@Dery

What *@Stilllovehim01* said. Call the National Centre for Domestic Violence (www.ncdv.org.uk/contact/). They can explain the process to you and you can see if this is something you want to pursue.

Sorry, just read your message properly! I will do this