how would u feel if ur oh wass calling sex lines

[starshaker]

just curious

im getting to the stage i dont care

When did you find out? Is it a total shock? When you say you don't care do you mean you don't mind? Or are you past caring about your dh?

i'd go to relate. try him pulling that shit in front of a third person and trying to make it sound normal

it wont fly

its getting to the point im numbing myself against everything. we had been getting on so well so yeah im shocked that he has done it cos things have been good

kama - if he came to you asking wouldn't you just say phone me and i'll do it for free?

is it that he likes to fantasise certain scenarios, but doesn't feel he can do that with you?

Have you asked him directly whether he feels something is missing from your sex life?

I wonder how many women here would still say they didn't regard it as cheating if they actually heard what their male partners were saying to the women they were paying. It's not pretty. If you've ever had an obscene phone call it's pretty much like that and probably worse.

I think I'd be like "OK you feel free to do it as long as me and your mum and dad can listen in on conference call". That would soon kill the thrill.

In more general terms it also encourages men to see women as sex objects for them to use. It's a creepy attitude.

I'd be happy whatever he said. I'd be happy to say it to him too...tho that would be a bit of a waste of money cos I could just say it to his face.

if one person in the marriage is unhappy about what the other is doing to get sexual thrills, then it needs discussing, and stopping as necessary.

i think phone lines are a step up from watching porn... which is something you can do together and get your thrills as a couple, whereas a furtive phone call is not good for both of you.

i;d be mightily p*ssed off, especially if this was something previously discussed and he had promised not to do it again

what is more important , his marriage or some bored lady in her tatty dresssing gown, pretending to be a busty temptress?

I would giggle uproariously, I have a friend who does it, I was around one night when she was doing it, wearng a baggy tshirt and tracky bottoms, whilst doing her ironing.

The only thing to be concerned about is the phone bill

Elizabeth of course it's going to be pretty obscene - they'll hardly be discussing knitting will they? Talk about stating the ovbious....

How would you feel if he was doing the same thing over the internet on some seedy chat site? It's the same thing it doesn't matter if it is on the phone or on the net. I think he is out of order.

Watching porn is ok because it isn't personalised. If you are contacting someone and actually talking to them you are essentially having 'sex' with them. (Although it is not physical)

How would he feel if YOU started working on a chat line and started turning other men on? He would be furious. He would soon stop.

And what annoys me most is he has the bare faced cheek to use YOUR PHONE!!!!

Just act like you don't care, ban him from using your phone and apply to join a sex chat line infront of him!! He'll soon stop.

Devastated.

Once thought DH has been calling sex lines.. there they were on the bill! "Thank God" it was my red-faced then 14 year old son!

I would be angry and also very sad that he had to do this. It would make me think that I/our relationship wasn't enough for him.

I would also be tempted to hack his nob off.

"Elizabeth of course it's going to be pretty obscene - they'll hardly be discussing knitting will they? Talk about stating the ovbious...."

There's ways and ways of talking about sex DrNortherner. Most women (apart from those actually involved in the industry) have no idea about the depths of degradation and obscenity about sex that some men seek out.

It's fine to declare here that it isn't a problem but the actual reality is very different. I think there's a lot of denial amongst women about what is actually going on in commercialised sex.

wheresthevalium: very funny... actually it is a bit of a tragic thing to do as a bloke really isn't it (and I speak as one!) - speaking to "Ingrid, Hot blonde 21 year old Scandinavian foreign exchange student" knowing really that it's actually 39 year old Eileen from Doncaster, wearing her carpet slippers and doing her ironing (the "mmmmm yeah" noises being when she gets a pleat creased satisfactorily!)

Starshaker, nothing you have ever told us about this guy makes me think he is worth it frankly.

I would be outraged and would be questioning the whole relationship if we'd already discussed this issue.