relationship crumbling - not sure what to do anymore

[meg211]

I don't usually do things like this but I feel so lost at the moment. I had my baby girl 3 months ago and I'm so happy wouldn't change anything but it seems like my relationship has gone down hill the last 3 months, we can't seem to stay happy for too long always arguing then making up through sex.

we had a big argument the other night and it feels so different this time, im 100% defeated, we normally try to talk it out or he tries to get me to open up, then we're intimate and it all goes away. this time feels so different he just shouted at me, listened to me cry and have a panic attack no help. I didn't sleep a wink and I can't sleep now, I can't bear to be in the same bed so here I am sitting up at the back of 2 in the morning.

I can't even say what the argument was about but a lot of hurtful things were said, I told him how I was feeling, he upset me a lot this week with little comments and telling people our personal business. we had a pregnancy scare this week (I know its far too soon) and his reaction was horrible. I had a lot of difficulty and miscarriages before I conceived my baby girl so I have been a bit worried that I will not be able to have a 2nd one, I feel like he just dosent understand, he said surely ones enough. he said that all of this has been 2x harder for him than it has been for me.

I suffer from anxiety and to have him tell me that all my problems and worries mean nothing really broke my heart. I feel like I've lost my rock, what was a great relationship and me thinking I found the love of my life has turned in to a little bit of a toxic relationship on both parts. he said he's so close to being afraid to speak to me or even touch me which broke my heart more.

I struggled a lot at the start after birth, I struggled to cope and bond and he was so supportive and loving. we did have issues with me not being ready to have sex and him trying it on. but I couldn't have asked for any more support. we just got our first home together and it feels so wrong now. we're also having a lot of issues with his family specifically his mum who thinks she's entitled and is being overbearing.

I feel so lost, im not sure if it is my relationship or if it is a combination of everything. im not sure if im still in love after all of this, I don't want to hurt anyone or my little girl. I just feel so lost in this relationship right now, I feel like im losing myself.

Ohhh OP. Can you speak to your midwife? I felt similar after having my DS.

You have just had a baby and your hormones will be all over the place still. Are you getting enough sleep? What’s your baby like. I wouldn’t worry about having another baby right now focus and the baby you have right now.

Contact your GP about a permanent form of contraception if you don’t want to get pregnant at the moment.

I’m no longer under midwife care.

I haven’t been sleeping very well lately, my little girl had colic but it seems to have passed and she sleeps all night now. It was just a fleeting thought that snow balled. All I want to do is focus on my baby girl.

I’m on the pull. But have forgotten to take it. My brains just so scattered right now

So you've got a 3 month old, your partner has already complained about lack of sex and is now telling people about your sex life and pregnancy scare and now he's dismissing any of your anxieties and concerns and is shouting at you? He sounds like an arsehole. I wasn't up for sex for most of the first year after DS was born, for a multitude of reasons physical and exhaustion related, DH never once even mentioned it.

Your problem is you have a DP pissing on what should be a very happy time for you both

Having a baby alters everything. Wow to her sleeping through the night. That will help enormously as you won’t be as tired. Have a chat to the Health Visitor or your GP. Your hormones. Are all over the place. He should be supportive though.