If you left DH when DC were little...

[Lonelymumandfedup]

I am really struggling with DH. I want out as there is no relationship, no love, no joy, no affection, and just resentment. We're not trying anymore, I don't love him anymore. I'm tired all the time, as is he. He tries to be a good father to our DD who is 2, but seems to have given up being a husband or even friend. I'm just sick and tired of it all. I am overly critical and he is defensive about everything.

Life is hectic as it is as we have no childcare (DH refuses to put her in nursery as he's scared of corona and is too lazy or uninterested to discuss having a nanny) and we are both working full time at home. The week passes in a blur of work, chores and bedtimes then every single weekend, I realise I am so unhappy. We have nearly no family or friends support. All our struggles are hidden and swept under the carpet. I'm sick and tired. I can't even be bothered to type out the reasons.

My heart breaks for my DD as she is not getting the best from us and a happy family life. Obviously the only reason I haven't upped and left is DD.

So please tell me, if you left an unhappy marriage when your DC were little, how did you do it and is your life much better now?

The grass isn’t always greener.
Sometimes it’s worthwhile to try and sort out your problems if they’re not that bad, rather than just taking them with you.
I split when my youngest was one . But it was an absuive relationship so totally different.
It is lonely and even harder work being a single parent working full time . If you think you’re tired now- that’s nothing compared to doing it all on your own .

Only left at the start of this year, but life is 1000000000 times better. Mine is a more unique situation (ex has addiction issues) but I have not looked back. I have no family nearby (or even in the same hemisphere) so that side of things can be tricky. I also miss the income!

But in terms of happiness - life is too short to be unhappy.

Yes I did.
Dd was 2.
I rented a flat as a stop gap to get us out then bought a house for us.
He was vile, made everything such hard work for about four to five years.
It was worth every bit of the relentless abuse I got from him.
Life is and was immediately, absolutely lovely. I’ve never had another relationship, I left him eleven years ago and there’s not a day goes by that I’m not thrilled that I did.
Single life is so much easier than battling a horrid relationship and having a happy and fulfilled life with our fantastic kids. Don’t stay for your DD, don’t live life showing her that this relationship you have with your H is what it’s all about.
Your setting an example, she deserves more in her future relationships than you’ve got with your DH.
Get out and be happy.
Life is short.

Yes, split when DS was 3. Life is so much better. So much.

Yes. I split from exdh when my DS was 3. Best thing o ever did and the peace and calm in the house was a joy after years of anger & resentment.

I didn't leave. But I found out he was sleeping with my best friend which gave me carte blanche to chuck him out.
DC's were 4 and 20 months.
They're 27 and almost 25 now.
It depends on how strong you feel. It's not easy.

Mine were two and four. Being a single parent is tiring, but not anywhere near as tiring as living with an arsehole.

Ds was 3 when I called time on my relationship with his dad. I became a better mum overnight we are so much happier and life is no longer stressful even though I have more money worries.
Ds still sees his dad very regularly and ge doesnt remember the unhappy times and arguments.
I'd love to say we are all happier these days but ex dp still lurches from one disastrous relationship to the next!

I could have written your post. We split in June and he left the house. This was after many frank talks and trying to fix things. It has been difficult but it's the best thing for me and the children (under 3s). Life is so nice now. If you can keep your split amicable it's better all round.

Mine were 2 and 5 when I left and they are fine - they are so resilient when they are young and treated the whole thing as an adventure.
If you know in your heart of hearts you aren’t going to go the distance splitting when they are younger is definitely better

I would also say - if you can retain a reasonably amicable separation and they regularly can see and spend nights with their dad I personally have found I have more time to myself and find it much easier than when there were two of us at home. My exH has kids two nights a week and I have better quality time with them when they are with me and regular breaks so I actually do find single parenting easier.

Mine were 6months and just 2. That's 16years ago now ! My exdh was very controlling and unkind , he saw the kids sporadically then stopped. He turned out to be quite nasty to them as well snd they are very glad they didn't have to grow up with him living with us.
It's been tiring , hard work but the kids are fantastic, I have a good career , a lovely home and friends and most of all peace.
If you can make it work do, but for me it was a matter of saving myself and my kids and I have never had one regret about leaving .