Lack of emotion surrounding abuse *trigger warning*

[Lackofemotion]

Regular poster, NC.

I was Sexually abused by my father as a child, from what I recall It happened on a few occasions, not penetrative but other things.
I stopped speaking to my mother and sibling over it as they refused to believe it.
I haven’t spoken to any of them for quite a few years, but when I think about the whole thing it’s not what he did that upsets me it’s my mother and siblings reaction.
But is it normal to feel no emotion or is that coping mechanism? Like disassociation
I’ve never been to therapy, was offered to start Through a Gp referral a few years ago but never actually went.

I just sort of shrug it off, like it’s not a big of a deal as it is and then I see other people’s reactions and wonder if there’s something wrong with me for not feeling so emotional or upset over it, even when I think of that young girl it doesn’t feel like me.

Thank you for replying x

I was physically and verbally abused by both parents, it didn't affect me growing up, I was confident, bubbly, loved school holidays, HOWEVER when I had my children in my thirties I started to realise that I actually suppressed my emotions for years and I was deeply affected. After some soul searching I came to the conclusion that I had, for many
years, had major anger problems, issues around trusting people and forming meaningful relationships, not having self worth and much more.
I am so happy that I am in touch with my feelings/emotions now, good or bad. I appreciate the positive moments and in the the not so positive, I acknowledge, try to make sense and move on.

Yes please that would be great, no rush just when you have the time, thank you

A detachment is a Good way to describe it!

I also feel like I struggle with other emotions in general, when somebody dies I don’t feel overcome with sadness & similarly when I get good news/someone tells me their good news I’m not just over the moon happy, looking up emotional numbing it makes sense!

From my experience as an abuse survivor, and having worked with many other survivors over the years, yes it's common to cut off emotion. It's a coping mechanism - pretty much the only one a powerless child has. It then becomes a habit.

It can feel like your absence of emotion is keeping you safe, because the thought of actually experiencing our pain, fear, rage, shame is literally unbearable. This is especially true for those of us who were also taught or shown as children that expressing negative emotions was forbidden or shameful.

However, we cannot suppress our pain without a cost. We can't let go of that pain until we've accepted it and let that little child inside us express that pain and sorrow. That child needs to be heard; that child needs to hear that they are safe and loved and did not deserve the abuse.

It is a hard, hard journey. But it can be the most worthwhile work of your life.

I felt, for me, I owed the little Furiosa inside me a debt. She protected herself by freezing, trusting the cold to numb her physically and emotionally in order that she could survive. She kept her silence because she knew that speaking her truth would mean more pain. She made that sacrifice so that I could live. I repaid that debt by giving her a voice and a safe place to be heard. Now that she knows she is safe, she has let go of that pain - and that means I am no longer making choices which are driven by that pain or the damaging beliefs that resulted from the abuse.

I hope you can find a path to peace, OP. You deserve to be happy and whole. So do we all 💐

@Butterer thank you for all that information and taking the time to type it all out, I really appreciate it.
@EvenMoreFuriousVexationg that makes so much sense, thank you for sharing.
@myhumps123 I hope I can get to your stage one day.
Thank you all for sharing & the advice & im so sorry for the things you have gone through, from one survivor to another Thank you! your posts have given me so much to think about