Paranoid I’ll be chucked for a younger model

[Doingmyownheadin]

I was hoping just to get this strange fear off my chest that I’m fixated on! I’m in a relationship with a man and it’s still early days (less than a year) and all is good but I have this worry always in the back of my mind that he will ultimately want a younger woman. I’m 40 and he’s 38, We are both divorced......he’s good looking, very together person, good job etc etc. He could basically have his pick! Neither of us want more children! I’ve read far too many threads on MN about men leaving women for younger women that I feel like it’s inevitable! Also I have quite a number of friends who all date much older men!! Men get much more attractive as they get older in my eyes and I feel like I’m fighting to keep fresh faced!!
I was hoping someone could give me a shake and have some positive stories!

The only men I can think of who got more attractive with age are celebrities who got stylists and/ or plastic surgery. It's a misogynistic myth to say men age better - most get beer bellies, lose their hair and get wrinkles just like women.

That aside, if your partner is someone who you think is likely run off with someone younger, is that the sort of man you want to be with?

Thanks for the reply! He has given me zero inclination that he would ever do that and in his eyes age is just a number! To be fair it was when I hit 40 I felt myself start to worry, when I was 39 I still felt ok

I think the not wanting more kids will mean this is unlikely to happen. One of my friends, v v good looking, together, divorced has zero interest in dating someone younger for that v reason. He only dates women his age or a bit older where having kids is off the table.

I have been with my husband for 25 years. We are both 40. I love him with all of my heart and he adores me too. He tells me how beautiful I am; tells me that I’ve not changed a bit; texts me to flirt through the day when we’re both at work and spends evenings cuddling me, planning with me, helping me and just enjoying time together. I don’t have any issues with him, he’s relaxed about his device; he tells me his passwords (because he forgets them) he’s very open and honest. He doesn’t buy me flowers often, but he’ll bring home little gifts for me daily, like a Diet Coke he picked up from the McDonalds drive through or a chocolate bar he knows I like. I feel he’s my best friend and whilst I know that none is us can tell what’s around the corner, I’m going to continue doing what I have done for the last 25 years, I’m going to enjoy the love and plans and hope for the future that we share and I’m not going to let anything spoil that. Not every man is the same, just as not every woman is the same and until they do something to warrant taking it away, they deserve your trust.

OP - 2 years difference isn’t noticeable. If he were 10years younger - then yes, older woman/younger man relationship quite likely has a natural expiration date, purely on attractiveness level. Non-PC, I know - but not many 50yo men have 60yo women on their arms, while the other way around is much more common.

However - you are practically the same age. And I think it’s purely in your head and based on crossing the decade number. He will join you in the 40s soon.

As to ‘fighting to keep fresh faced’ and all that - to a certain degree we all try to maintain our attractiveness for our partners. No?
As we age - we do try to manage and delay the inevitable. Keep healthy diet, exercise, use creams. In your case, the worry is probably less due to him and more to your personality type. Even if you were with an older guy - unlikely you’d just let yourself go. I presume.

Anyway. Enjoy your relationship and just take care of yourself, like you would normally. Life doesn’t end on turning 40.

As to not wanting kids being something that would stop someone from ‘dating younger’ -
@workshy44 - that only works while he is of certain age....
Once your friend is, say mid/late 40s - he can date younger women past childbearing age...

Not to worry the OP, who, as I said earlier - should just stop worrying. Men going after younger women happens and will happen. Not to all, and nothing anyone can do about it. So - no reason to worry about it and not enjoy life.

You could look at the ageing process differently.

I may be kidding myself and I’ve never been great looking anyway, but I’m in my early 50s and am happier with the way I look than I have ever been. A few wrinkles matter not a jot - I have wisdom and curves and feel very womanly. And I get as many interested looks now as I have ever done (I’ve never got that many but the point still stands!). I’m menopausal - I never minded periods, but the freedom that comes with not bleeding any more is bloody marvellous. And if you need some inspiration - take a look at Courtney Cox, Helen Mirren, Demi Moore, Catherine Deneuvre to name but a few. Older women rock.

Have a shake OP!

I'm 58 this month, my DP is 51 and he can't get enough of me. Why would he want someone younger? He doesn't want more children, which to my mind is the only thing a younger woman can give him that I can't. He's not an arrogant twat who wants to show off eye candy to his mates. He wants someone who he connects with, and that's me. (And if he does go off, well more fool him I reckon.)

It's about the individual and their motivation. It's not about inevitability.

@DBML that’s such a lovely post. You’re so lucky to have a guy like that! Where did you find him!!

@Fortunategirl

Thank you, I feel very lucky. I found him at school 🥰

I certainly understand why you get this message from society , it’s sent to women our age constantly however It might be worthwhile taking a step back and really giving it objective thought
IF this guy were to ditch yoh for a younger model , isn’t that a better than being with a superficial twat?
I mean the proof will be in the pudding , right ? If looks and youth are what a man values in a woman then who wants him , he’s really nothing better than a shallow man child . So consider aging a screening test for a mans true character and feelings for you . At least that’s how I look at it . No way I’m going to sit around worrying about being tossed away over something so trivial because only a trivial man would do such a thing and I deserve much better . So do you!

I know a few couples where the woman is slightly older than the man and they’re all fine. Thinking about it, some of the women ( now in their 50’s) look far better than their partners do- if I passed them on the street I’d assume they were younger! Don’t worry about it, OP.

Thank you for all the messages! It really was what I needed, I felt embarrassed even raising the subject!
I do feel it’s more to do with me and it did hit me like a rock when I hit when I hit 40! I just want to be able to enjoy our relationship and make the most of it xx