Should I text him?

[hummusandpitta]

I went on a first date with someone that seemed decent enough over messages.
We had what I thought was a good date, and as it ended he asked if he could kiss me and I said yes.

I agreed to text him when I had got home safely, we had a couple of back/forth messages that evening. Then I messaged him the next day, and he replied briefly but there was no conversation.

This was a week ago, and I've heard nothing from him since! I'm tempted to text him saying that I think it's really rude of him not to message.

To be clear I completely get that he's not interested, but I'm annoyed at his lack of sensitivity because he knew it was my first date since a messy separation!

No.

No don’t bother. You’ll regret it. He’s not worth it

Why is it rude? You haven’t text him either! If you want to see him again, ask. Otherwise just move on!

Walk away from the phone.... I know how tempting it is, I really do, you want to put the world to rights but honestly the reason he didn't text is because he's doesn't want to keep up a relationship with you.... And it's horrible to be on the receiving end but it's life. It happens to the best of us! It really does happen to so many people I know who are great people and don't deserve it, try not to take it personally. Just maintain a dignified silence, delete him off your phone and look for your next date. Or maybe take some time to get over your messy separation before doing that.

“To be clear I completely get that he's not interested, but I'm annoyed at his lack of sensitivity because he knew it was my first date since a messy separation!”

Dear OP - it sounds like you may not be ready to date: it’s really not his job to look after you and your emotions. You need to do that for yourself. He owes you nothing. If he’s not interested in taking things further, there really is no point in him messaging you.

Take it that he is not interested.

Do you want him to actually tell you that? Or is it best he just disappears?

This happens a lot in online dating I’m afraid so you need to prepare yourself if you are going to be hurt or offended.

If he texts you in a weeks time, what will you do?

If his was the last message and you haven't replied since he could be assuming that you are not interested.
However if he was really interested then he would message again. Just as if you were really interested you would have messaged again.

Therefore it seems to me that there is no point wasting any more headspace on a relationship that never was.

Maybe his thinking why haven’t you text him? Depends what the last conversation was, how do you know it was brief?

On the other hand maybe this happens a lot in dating?

Why is he rude but you're not?

I do agree that it's not the job of random people you go on dates with to handle your emotions. If you're that raw from a separation maybe you're not ready to date.

If he was interested he would have contacted.

I’d leave it.

I love these texting related dilemmas.

No, don't text and tell him he's rude. Men do that to women all the time and it's disturbing. Just leave it alone.

If he wanted to text you, he would.

Thank you everyone! Perhaps I am feeling a little fragile to begin dating again (even if it has been a long time).

After my divorce I've been reluctant to reach out to my real life support in fear of being an emotional burden! So the advice here has been really helpful.

His number has been deleted to prevent any moments of madness!

I’m afraid what you describe is very normal in online dating. Many, many dates will go fine but then communication just fizzles our, try not to take it personally. As others have said, he doesn’t owe you anything. Maybe take a little time to move on from your separation - it probably won’t be the last time this happens!

It reads like he was the last to text you...

Well done OP, both for getting back out there and for keeping your head up and deleting his number.

Its not the nicest way to deal with people or be dealt with (and believe me, I know) but unfortunately unless you are very lucky, this is just a part of online dating.

If you're at it a while, you will meet plenty of nice people you have a pleasant date with but just don't feel any urge to continue seeing which may be what happened here with this guy. This is no reflection on you. The usual course of action after one date is to just let it fizzle.

It's tough because the alternative is sending a message to say 'thanks but no thanks' and to be honest, I've seen a few threads on here where opinion has roughly been that it's best not to do so as long as you haven't made any further arrangements. I received one such message off a (nice) guy I mutually had no intention of seeing again and to be honest, felt a bit pissed off he thought he needed to let me down gently.

Please don't take any of this personally, it's just how OLD is, I'm afraid!

If you are talking about your messy separation on a first date, you probably aren't ready for it yet. You need to be a bit less open with messy negative stuff when you've just met someone. I'd be wary of any man who told me they had a messy divorce on a first date, it's TMI. Concentrate more on the fun things in your life at the beginning.

Agree with all PP - although it can be a bit confusing, IMO it's a nicer let down than someone telling you why they're not into you - someone that doesn't know you enough to have an opinion that (if i were you) you'll over think and bring forward into next dates. you don't need that stress. Just thank you, next, him.
I went on one and he was all over my handsy- I hadn't even had the chance to form an opinion of him other than that made me feel uncomfortable. Then when we got home he text to say he wasn't feeling it and I reminded him of an ex partner. I felt annoyed at myself because I didn't speak up when I felt uncomfortable and then that he "ditched" me after being like that and I let it happen. I've managed to laugh it off because it was horrible but never again - you live and learn and the one who messages you to check you got home safe first is definitely out there! You know who he is now so no thank you.