I don’t want to let go

[Skyclouder]

In a nutshell:

Love my partner, fancy him, he’s very supportive, strong, intelligent, funny and makes me laugh. We have great sex, and everything is positive.

We’ve been together 2 years but something isn’t right. I don’t know what it is. I’m not sure.

He’s packing his things right now and I think if he actually leaves, he’ll never come back. It’s the last chance.

My friends think I can do better. My sister thinks if I love him then I should try to make it work.

My mother is awol and I think that is half the problem. Awful upbringing due to abusive step father.

Any advice?

Why is he packing his things?

Why is he leaving? Have you asked him to?

“We’ve been together 2 years but something isn’t right. I don’t know what it is. I’m not sure.”

Does he share the sense that something isn’t right?

If your mother is AWOL and your stepfather was abusive, it may be that you are comfortable with extreme dysfunction and therefore a functional relationship feels odd and uncomfortable to you. Hence the feeling that something isn’t right. Or it may be that you are hyper-vigilant and your instincts are correctly telling you that something is wrong. Do you have a sense of which it might be?

I have no idea what is wrong. I just get a sense - but now he’s leaving. I don’t want him to.

We’ve talked and talked and he loves me to bits. He’s a rock. But I’m just pushing him away and I don’t know why.

Speak to him, not us.

Is he leaving the relationship or just leaving the house?

If everything is "positive", then what is going on thats negative and motivating him leaving? Or thats worrying you?

Can you explain in detail what happened today?

Could you have relationship counselling ?

Are you pushing him away because you don't feel you deserve him? Or maybe you think it's safer to make him leave you rather than ever facing the thought of him leaving you?

I just wonder if one of those might be part of the issue?

Have you read up on avoidant attachment? Maybe that's you. If everything's perfect but you're pushing him away this could be a protective strategy on your part to avoid being hurt (ironically).
You would probably benefit from some therapy to work it out.

If you are pushing him away and he's leaving, then let him go. Seems like you are both on the same page.

You would benefit from counselling. You are deliberately pushing him away and sabotaging a good relationship. Why?

PS If he does go and you’re not heartbroken then he wasn’t the one for you.

“We’ve talked and talked and he loves me to bits. He’s a rock. But I’m just pushing him away and I don’t know why.”

As PP have said - it sounds like you would benefit from therapy. To those of us reading, it’s pretty obvious why you would have relationship issues if your mother is AWOL and you grew up with an abusive step-father.

You perhaps don’t believe you deserve to be loved and you probably assume you will be abandoned so you want to control that process by being the one to push him away.

But it would be good to break that cycle which is where good quality therapy should help.

Thanks everyone. Such good words. We are going to stay together. So much love between us.

It’s a baby step and one one with a happy ending but it’s going to be work. I need to rid myself of the demons.

X

Good OP.

Your past has hurt you so much that you are probably thinking if he leaves you in the future it will hurt so much so you’re pushing him to leave you now to get the pain over and done with.

If you catch yourself doing that try not to. Easier said than done I know. To be honest if he did leave you now or on two years time it would probably hurt the same! So you are as well going for the best relationship you can have and enjoying life together for as long as it lasts, which could be forever.

And if it’s not to be it’s not to be - worry about that then. Not now. Throw yourself into it now and get counselling.

Good luck. I hope it all goes well and you’re back on here on a few years time giving others like you advice to stay together and give it 200% as it’s totally worth it