How important is chemistry?

[sharonJJ55]

Would you carrying on seeing someone who ticked most of the boxes (kind, attentive, consistent, good job, wants a serious relationship) but who you just don't fancy? I've been OLD for years and he's the first eligible man that ticks most of the boxes & doesn't play games but I'm not feeling the physical side of things at all because from my perspective there is no chemistry?

You need to bring this fledgling relationship to an end and fast. Chemistry is key and is the glue that bonds you. You have to fancy what your with or whats the point? To let it continue would be really unfair on him. He thinks your working towards a future together when infact your leading him along. Be honest and end it today.

I was in a relationship for almost a decade with someone who I loved in every way, except without the chemistry. It was a terrible thing to do to him really. I should have been brave enough to end it much, much sooner. I did end it but he took it very bad as he, obviously, thought we had a future together and we would get married/have DC etc. I completely wasted his time and now he's almost 40 and still single so I really hope I haven't ruined his chances of finding someone to have a family with as he would make a wonderful husband/father.

What I did do is marry the guy I had complete chemistry with - with little else in common. We have two DCs and he's proven himself a pretty rubbish and lazy father/partner. In spite of that I'm still incredibly attracted to him physically and if I left (which I'm planning) I'm fairly certain I'd never find another man who I'd be so sexually compatible with. Sigh...

I often wish I had someone with the personality traits of my ex with the chemistry of my husband - the perfect man!

There is a balance to be struck though. I haven't found it but I know others have! If you've slept with him and feel this way it's really not going to get any better. Do the right thing and end it OP.

I too think there is a balance to be struck
I was all for saying give it some time but when i read this...?

when I first met him I was kind of attracted to him but that seems to have gone and now I like him but am not keen on being physical with him

RED FLAG
He is not the one for you

If you dont fancy someone then how in the heck have you been dating them for 7 weeks! It's really something you should know by date 2 at the latest. And if you arent feeling it, you don't continue dating.

He sounds clingy as hell too. That isn't a nice person, it's just someone who has no respect for boundaries. Run for the hills!

Another one who is surprised you do not fancy him but then go on to say you have slept with him X3. How could you do that?

OP.

You know the answer here. The 'ick' wont be long behind!

@Raidblunner

You need to bring this fledgling relationship to an end and fast. Chemistry is key and is the glue that bonds you. You have to fancy what your with or whats the point? To let it continue would be really unfair on him. He thinks your working towards a future together when infact your leading him along. Be honest and end it today.

This.

I wouldn't waste time on anyone I didn't feel irrisistibly attracted to who also ticked all the boxes. My heart flipped every time I saw my wife. We liked, loved and wanted each other. She passed away in July this year leaving me utterly bereft. I'm so lucky and grateful for the time and the love we shared. Don't settle.

It’s a fine balance, it’s easy to have great chemistry with someone and years down the line they do something where that chemistry just simply vanishes.

Also - I don't think you have to know on date 1, 2, or 3.

Plenty of great relationships took time. I've had phenomenal physical chemistry with people i didnt fancy at all when i first met them. But you will not grow to fancy this man by keeping on as you are. You will just resent him and gross yourself out.

Don't waste yourself on it.

Having now read your update I’m even more convinced you should end it. If you’ve slept together and still aren’t feeling it then this really can’t go anywhere.

Also, to all the posters saying he’s love bombing, if I’d slept with someone 3 times I would probably not think wanting to hold hands/kiss was love bombing, I’d think we both ought to be in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship where we can’t keep our hands off each other. The fact that the OP is put off by signs of affection is really because she just doesn’t fancy the guy, not necessarily because he’s an abusive sleeze-bag.

If chemistry isn't there and there is no desire to get physical, then forgot even enrolling for biology.

@Tiredtiredtired100 I get what you're saying about the lovebombing thing but he really is quite odd in his affection. I love holding hands and being affectionate but he is OTT...I literally can't hold a coffee cup/drink during a meal without him trying to constantly hold my hand and he has gone into this relationship 100mph.

Anyway thank you for all your advice! I'm going to end it today. It's the right thing to do. Back to OLD I go.....oh god🤦🏼‍♀️

If I don't want to rip their clothes off on the first meet it's a no for me. I think chemistry is the most important aspect of romantic relationship.

I think it actually sounds like your intuition kicking in and saying "no" as he's too full on with affection and moving forward. I think chemistry can grow - I did OLD and I never really wanted to rip anyone's clothes off at first date, they just felt like strangers! However, it shouldn't reduce after the first date and I think you know when it's worth going forward as you can tell the chemistry could be there.

Good luck with going back to it

It's true that you can get a flash of attraction later in a relationship. But IME that tends to be someone like a friend or acquaintance who you filed in the friend area of your brain then something shifts them out.

I've never ever suddenly fancied someone who's all over me. It just gives me the

I don't know that I agree that he's love-bombing you as another poster has suggested, OP but I think it's entirely possible that the chemistry is one-sided. He feels it, you don't. It's sad but it's no reflection on either of you.

I think ending it is the right thing to do. He deserves to find somebody for whom he ticks all the boxes - and so do you. Hope you find that somebody soon and good on you for calling a halt to this one, I know you'll be decent about it because that's how your posts come across.