I might have to go back to my abuser

[damnthisvirusandmarriage]

It’s the only way that I can thinkto guarantee the safety of our children. Or he’ll get them unsupervised. He’ll discipline them. Just yesterday he dragged my 6 year old by the arm across the room and threw her into the hall. No injuries. So it’s just different parenting styles.

The only way I can control their safety is by taking him back and taking the abuse myself.

When I saw her face being dragged yesterday. The anxiety and fear in her eyes. It still gets to me today. I hate him for it.

The police said it’s just parenting differences.

Been there. Both police and family court judge.

I don't know what the answer is, but what the OP says is true, I've heard it to my own face.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Does he have any court- mandated right to access? If not, just stop answering the phone. If he messages you asking about the kids, give him factual info about their well-being and tell him you are concerned for their safety in his care so will wait for the family court to decide what his access should be. Any further messages just IGNORE. He can't foist his sister on you. He can't make you see him. If he physically approaches you and doesn't leave you alone when asked you can seek a non-molestation order. Have you prosecuted him for the abuse? If not consider doing so.

But remember you are your children's haven, and their only defence. You have to provide them with a home he doesn't control. You have to show them the way he behaves isn't right by refusing to accept it, for them or for you. Going back to him is NOT the answer.

Nothing legal in place yet. But it’s only a matter of time before I’m accepted for legal aid and can start that process

Ok. The haven for them sounds positive. I’ll keep that in mind for sure. X

Do you have a SW involved?

Op and pics are correct, and I wish everyone would stop barking at OP to go to the police.

With that being said, OP, while I understand thinking going back would work, it would be best not to. So much better to have a totally safe place. In the meantime, women’s aid are best placed to support you.

It’s a hideous failing in our system, but it’s the systems failure. Not yours.

Please don’t go back.

Speak to your GP on Monday, tell them everything and keep going with Women’s Aid. If he texts or leaves messages when you don’t answer, ignore the messages but keep the messages.

Have you spoken to social services and asked for their advice?

If they advise you to stop contact then you can and let him take it to court.

It's a hideous situation for you but going back would be worse for the DC.

It would be a very bad move for you to go back, and would be seen as a failure to safeguard your DC. Are social services involved or have they been?

This is so unfair on your children who are entirely helpless and dependent. Do NOT go back and block all contact with the abuser for goodness sake. If you want to go back yourself, is there a family member you can at least leave the children with? Get police and social services involved in the latest incident. You're their mother and are there to protect them - get police involved now and tell them everything he has done to them so it's on file. The system is certainly not perfect but so often the abused woman herself blocks authorities from being able to use all their powers to protect children because she doesn't tell the everything in a timely way.