The saga continues

[Crossroads19]

I can't believe I am back here again. I am so ridiculous. I never did leave and he refused to so things have ambled on the last few months. We did agree to try but I knew the issues were just there under the surface.
Yesterday we had a disagreement on the morning about something to do with the house. This turned into him swearing at me, which I asked him not to. He started the conversation again last night and as I didn't agree with him proceeded to repeatedly tell me to shut up. As I'm trying to stand my ground I tried to finish explaining my point and he threw something at me from across the room. I have no doubt it was intended for me and would have broken my nose had it hit me.

I have brought the dc to my mums but have no idea what to do now.

It's so messy. I know he won't go because it would be an upheaval for him. He seems to have no issue in uprooting his dc though. I really hope he doesn't try and take them off me.
Sorry for rambling. I just need to vent x

I haven’t read your previous threads OP, but there’s obviously a lot of backstory here. Hope you’re ok- maybe call women’s aid and see what they can do to help

I'd have a word with 101 too, Just because it missed you - he still tried to assault you.

Is the house jointly owned or rented?

Thanks ladies. It's jointly owned. I have to go home very shortly. Not looking forward to it.

You don’t have to go home with him there.

I don't think he will do anything. I have no plans on antagonising him but all of mine and the kids stuff is there, including my car. We will have to live together until the house can be sold if he won't move out due to finances. It all feels so rubbish and I wish things could have been different. I've spent half of my life with him and it feels stepping outside of that will be a very scary place. I don't want to regret it.

See a solicitor and see if you can force a sale if he won’t leave.

I did speak to one a while back and they said about selling. We don't have much equity and neither of us would be able to afford to buy on our own. It would be better if he could rent until the kids are older and we could sell later but that's probably me being selfish.

Hello Crossroads19
I'm so sorry you are in this situation, in your last post you mentioned it would be better if your OH rented, but you also said that was you being selfish, no, it's him being selfish !!
Yes, after he has scared you half to death by throwing something at you (well done you for removing your DC from the scene) he should be ashamed, and give you space by moving out asap.
I am having to live under the same roof as my former partner, until the house is sold. This afternoon I bagged some summer clothes and took them to the storage unit I am renting (he did not want clutter during house viewings) and believe it or not, he took the huff when he saw me packing & has sulked off somewhere in the car!
What did he expect?

Best wishes to you and yours OP, if you had to go back home today I hope you get some peace when he *@?&$ off too!!

Can the DC stay with your DM rather than go back to living with a father who tried to throw something (heavy, if it would have broken your nose) at their mother?
As a PP said start removing yourself and the DC from the house. Check how DM would be about you and DC staying there or with other relatives. Any father throwing things at the mother should not be allowed any access at all

Can you leave the children with your mum.
Please have the police on speed dial.

I’m so sorry OP.

Thank you ladies. We have been in this stalemate situation before, only this time I hope I have more resolve. I have no doubt he would absolutely never hurt one of our dc so they are not at risk. This has been slow burn but I know I'm done. I love him but it's evident I make him very angry. I can't live 40 years with that x

OP look into a non molestation order (this is designed to keep him away from you for a specified period of time) and an occupation order which allows you and the kids to live in the house on your own, overriding his current legal right to be there.

Women's Aid can help advise on both these but you can also do some googling to gain a baseline understanding of what they involve and what grounds you need to obtain them. If you don't already have notes on the things he's done, start making them now. Also keep any written communications that evidence his abusive behaviour. I just find it completely and utterly incomprehensible that a partner can behave like this and yet it's the kids and mother who have to uproot in order to be safe.
So sorry you're going through this. Every little step forward is one step away from an awful situation and one step closer to freedom. Good luck!

This time next year you’ll be through this. Keep going and don’t look back

Thank you for your responses. I have looked up occupation orders but I am really trying to avoid that as I want to have a good co parenting relationship going forward and feel that would blow any chance of that, it would also make him particularly difficult.

He's not a bad man, we've spent 15 years together and had some great times. I think he just resents me and that's hard to deal with.

The thought of being on my own is really scary. I know I'm lucky as I work and have a good support system. I just feel so guilty.

Please stop making excuses for this cretin.

How about focusing some of that guilt towards those poor innocent children being reared in such a terrible home.

Save your guilt for them OP.

My children's home is not terrible, not perfect, but far from terrible. If it were terrible it would make splitting our family up much more bearable. Thanks for the input.

He verbally abuses you.

He tried to physically abuse you.

You have a funny idea of 'not terrible'